Last year, I read the book Every Woman’s Marriage. A main topic in the book was Emotional Affairs. The author starts off the book saying that she is having an affair with several men.
One man she goes to when she wants to feel smart, another when she wants to feel attractive, and so on. This was the first time that I read about emotional affairs. Since then, I have seen several articles on the topic and feel very strongly about talking about it.
Most affairs begin by needs not being met in the current relationship. For men, it is usually sexual needs and for women it is usually emotional needs.
Emotional affairs are one of the strongest weapons the devil can use against women in marriage, in my opinion. And he is seeking “to steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10)!!!
We are emotional creatures by design and we need to make sure that we are seeking value and fulfillment in our marriage with our husband who we are made one with (Matthew 19:6), instead of another man. When we start going to another man, for any reason, it will only lead to more problems! What started as an emotional affair might turn into a physical affair, and probably very quickly! We need to watch our steps!
It is best to guard our hearts and steps from the beginning and rely on our husbands and God to meet all of our needs.
Since I have read this book, I have become so aware of where I am seeking encouragement and value and importance from. And I strive to get all of those from my husband and God. Those two together can meet all of my needs, there is no need to go else where.
I am not an expert at this, and I haven’t perfected the skills, but everyday I try to focus on guarding myself against an emotional affair, and getting my needs met in appropriate ways from the appropriate people.
Is your husband who you turn to? Or are you having an emotional affair with another man?
Who has the key to your heart?
I agree completely! I think guarding yourself in your online activities is especially important…on FB or through reading and responding to blogs, etc…I think it is so easy to fall into the emotional affair category before even realizing it. It’s the wolf in sheeps clothing… Even if someone never acts on the affair, it still puts a wedge between a wife and her husband, because he’s not longer fulfilling that need, and he becomes not quite good enough…
Thank you so much for sharing this! This is soooo true yet i feel so many women are afraid to speak this. We put so much pressure on the men bout lusting after women yet we do not keep ourselves or each other accountable for having emotional affairs! I have one great friend who we help keep each other accountable and it is so helpful to have someone to pray for you and let you know when you are getting out of line! Thanks again i am soooo glad you brought this up!
Melissa, You are so write about falling into before even realizing it! That is why it is so important to guard ourselves.
Amanda,
I agree with you about not talking about it. I had never even thought of this until I read the book. This is just a topic that is tiptoed around. And it is honestly a shame, because it is important and vital and a reality for many women today!
It is so great to have someone to keep you accountable and you for her. Accountability is a great tool that we have to fight this spiritual war!
I totally agree, but I’d love to hear more on this and your thoughts…
Jessica,
I’d love to share more!
First off, this is a topic I am so passionate about because when we were first married, I had a friend at work who was a guy, and I started to develop a close friendship with him. What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was really opening my heart to him and we would have very long conversations about life, and even faith. I started to think about the “grass being greener on the other side.”
At that moment, I knew that I was tiptoeing in dangerous territory. So, dangerous, that all I could do was run. Run the other way. So, actually when I realized what was starting to happen, I left my job. I left my job for the sake of my soul and the sake of my marriage.
At the time, my husband was working a very demanding job and I was really having some unmet emotional needs that I didn’t realize I was getting fulfilled outside of our marriage. Thankfully, by the grace of God, that is as far as this situation went. And, thankfully, again by the grace of God, I have realized this HUGE problem and have developed habits to intentionally guard my heart and marriage.
Here are some ways that I can think of off the top of my head that I try to guard my heart and marriage against emotional affairs:
-Never be with another man alone, in a car, in a room, in a house. This is about avoiding any situation that could create an environment for inappropriate interactions.
-Guard my friendships with other men. We have many couple friends that we hang out with, but I make sure not to pursue a deeper friendship with those men, or other men.
-Guard my heart against compliments. Whenever I get a compliment from a man about anything, I am very careful to not think on it or him. Most of the time I will reply, “Thank you, yes my husband thinks so too.” That way I don’t really think about the person who just complimented me but bring the focus back to Michael.
-Brag on my husband! I love to share my pride about my husband, things he does, how he takes care of me, being a good provider. When I am sharing these wonderful things God has blessed me with through my husband, it cultivates a content and thankful spirit towards him.
-Guard my thoughts. Whenever I find my mind wandering and thinking about a guy, past observation and more towards comparing, I try to immediately stop those thoughts and pray to God thanking Him for Michael and our marriage and praying that I would cultivate a content spirit in my mind.
-Prayer. This one is really big! I am continually praying for myself in my role as a wife and help-meet. Praying for Michael in his role as a husband. Praying for our marriage and for our love to just grow deeper and more intimate. Praying for both of us to get our needs met through God and each other alone.
I know that the only reason why I realized my problem with emotional affairs is because God is good! He was working through me and through His word, and through the author of this book to really let me understand this sin.
This is so true! Thank you for sharing with us and reminding us.