I got married 6 days after I graduated high school. I was 18 years old. I was happy, excited, and hopeful.
Why the rush? Why not? We knew we wanted to be together, so why wait? We were ready for our two lives to become one (Genesis 2:24)…
There have been many people that I graduated with who have now gotten married as well. However, the sad reality is that many of those who were married after me are now also divorced.
That led someone to ask me, “What makes your marriage different? You actually like being married. You both love each other. You don’t fight and bicker like other couples I know. It seems like you want to be married to each other…even after 5 years.”
The only way that I can answer that is, “It’s God.”
In my opinion, no one is really ready to get married, no matter your age. Two sinners attempting “happily ever after” is a recipe for disaster. Honestly, the divorce rate doesn’t surprise me…we are a culture saturated with sex, lust, and dreams of perfection. That is just not going to lead to a long-lasting, love-filled unity. We cannot achieve a happy joyful marriage on our own strength and ability.
We must be focused on glorifying God in our marriage. That is what makes the difference.
If we are living our lives truly aiming to glorify God in all we do (1 Corinthians 10:31) then our life (and marriage) will be different! It will be MAJORLY different!
We won’t just be married to be “happy.” Or we just won’t be happy as long as we still “feel” in love. That “in love” feeling (some will call this lust, not love) does not last forever. And that is wonderful news!
That “in love” feeling is really superficial. When that “feeling” fades and we choose to be intentional in our marriage and choose to love one another, in the good and bad, that is when we truly experience a deep, soul-sharing, united as one level of love. That is when your bond will really become cemented as a couple.
However, you cannot expect your journey to always be easy…that is just not a reality. However, when we are focused on glorifying God, we stick it out! We realize that marriage is worth the work! It’s worth putting in the effort. It’s worth it because in today’s culture, a happy, joy-filled marriage is not the norm, really is it no where close to being “normal!”
Therefore, having a happy marriage will cause people to take notice…and maybe even ask! And what an opportunity you will have to share the good news with them! To share what makes your marriage different.
My aim in my marriage is all about pointing to God. That is my focus…and that makes a difference!
So here’s the question…
Ashley, great words. What a wonderful example you must be to those around you. Keep up the good work!
Our focus? We each know that we love God more than we love each other. And we love each other A TON!!! But by putting God in His rightful place of priority our marriage is blessed. We’ve learned and incorporated key phrases when we disagree and argue, like “I know that I love you, and I know we’re going to work this out.” These give us hope with times are hard.
Thanks for such a great reminder about marriage today!
Thanks Penny! I do hope that we can leave a good impression on others and cause them to ask us about what makes our marriage different…but, that is not always the case.
Thank goodness for grace! And the fact that God uses sinners for His glory!
I also got married right out of high school. I was also 18. There is a little bit of difference to my story though. I went to work at a very, ummm, worldly place-office work but in a place that had, literally, zero Christians. And many heathens. (Seriously-just trying to convey how bad it was). I give all the credit to God that I am still happily married to my husband. Because satan tried to steal, kill and destroy all of it. God didn’t let it happen.
Now, 16 years later! (Wow!) I truly believe the key is that you don’t wait to “feel” love, you DECIDE to love. You CHOOSE to love your husband every.single.day. (Of course putting God first is the ACTUAL key, but you know what I mean)
And for the record…we are the only ones that I know of in our peer group that are still married to the original person we married.
Congratulations on 16 years! You are so right, you make a choice everyday!
-Ashley
Great post,Ashley! It is about putting God first and choosing to love. We are doing the Love Dare and it has some great insights about marriage! My Grandparents always told me back in the day you usually didn’t marry for love, you married and learned to love.
I’ve heard great things about the Love Dare! We actually did a small group with the Fireproof curriculum that we liked a lot!
Yes, that is a very good point: nobody is really ready to be married no matter what their age. Any human relationship takes sacrifice, compromise and work. Our focus, like yours, is just to be together. I got married 4 days after my h.s. graduation at age 17. We have been married 40 years this year. I do give credit to God.
WOW! 40 years! May God have the glory! How wonderful to hear about your story of marriage!
Today, the problem is that there is no INCENTIVE to stay together. Think about it. Human beings do almost nothing with without incentive (sometimes, sadly, negative incentive). We’re too fallen. All the incentives (yes, some of the negative, like the need to stay together for financial security, or to avoid stigma) to make marriages work are gone. My 87-year-old mother-in-law told me that marriages in her day, and in her parents’ day, weren’t any better than today’s marriages, it’s just that it was almost impossible to get a divorce (before no-fault divorce laws) and the poor woman was stigmatized (not that I want to go back to the day where the innocent party and the children were stignatized, you understand), so it was not seen as an easy out. I was surprised that she told me that. We lack incentive today due to the society we live in to make our marriages work. We don’t “have” to.
You are so right. In our culture we are so focused on being “happy” and “having things our way” that there is no incentive in and of itself.
As Christians, though, we have great incentive to stay married! We get to portray the image of Christ and the church each and everyday through our marriages.
For me, that is a great incentive!
Yes, that should be the Christian’s incentive, Ashley. Definitely. To honor Christ.
Every marriage goes through stages: being a young married; having children and building careers; career changes and empty nest; retirement and sometimes ill health due to aging. They can overlap. We are in the empty nest retirement stage now and having to make adjustments. You must cope with these changes as they come. Pray a lot. Every human relationship (parent/child; friends, etc.) goes through stages. Some relationships don’t survive all the stages. You have to be alert and aware. God will help.
OH, I just love to hear a young, newlywed writing this way! Good for you, you’ve found the secret…GOD!!! In our marriage, like yours, we point to God first and foremost!! We’ve always said, “God first, each other second, our kids third”…we’ve been chastised for this over the years by people who have said that we are selfish to put ourselves over the kids, “because we won’t always have them”…well, that is the very reason, we don’t put them over us, bc they will better be able to move on then and form their own union of Holy Matrimony…we teach them not to put us first, but to put God first…and when they marry, we will expect them to put their spouses above us (thus, cleaving to one another, as the Bible teaches)…the generations that have come before us on both sides of our family…our parents, grandparents, great grandparents, lived in life-long matrimony where only death separated them…we plan to do the same thing…it’s a decision, a plan, not a feeling!
How blessed you are in your marriage already!!
Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I completely agree with you! God first, spouse second, children third. It has to be that way!
Thanks for sharing your wisdom!
You are an example to many, especially so early on in the journey. Having your eyes fixed on the right focus–Christ–is definitely the anchor that will keep us and our relationships steady. My husband and I have been married 25 years and although it has not always been easy, today we have a solid foundation–Christ. My focus is to please Him. What ever happened to reverential fear–when couples would remain married simply because it pleases God and because the alternative is frightening? Just the scary thought of being outside of His will is often the driving force in many areas of our lives. (The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.) The interesting thing; however, is that as we aim to please God, He blesses us in return and before we know it what seemed to be a sacrifice turns into a delight. Today I am pleased to be able to say that I am happily married to my best friend and it’s just so comfortable but it required sacrifice. Boy did God have to break them old shoes in. =D
That is a great thought! My husband and I definitely made the decision before we got married that divorce was not an option. That is not God’s design. We wanted to keep the mindset from the beginning that whatever happened, we were going to work through problems and difficulty. We weren’t going to say goodbye to the lifelong covenant that we had made, just because things got a little rough, or a lot rough!
And I would have to agree completely with you! It has been a delight and pleasure most of the time! lol…of course marriage is hard, and there are going to be problems. And that is not always pleasant. But, in my experience (Although, I know it isn’t as much as others), working through the problems makes you stronger as a unit!
Thanks so much for sharing today and congrats on 25 years of marriage!
I also wanted to add a special note to those who may have experienced divorce, that our God is a God of forgiveness and restoration and by no means am I judging others who may have gone down that road. There are very unique circumstances to each situation. Regardless of our past, present or even future, I know that we serve a God who uses even our mistakes for good–to shape us and mold us more and more into His image. My prayer is that all of us, whether married, single or divorced, would draw closer to Him and know Him more and more.
Yes, yes, yes! I could not agree more! Thank you so much for adding this!
Great articles and comments! My focus in marriage is also God. He gives you the peace you need to deal with all situation in life and in your marriage. When your young most people think you do not know anything or you are not quite serious or understand the challenges you face in marriage, but MARRIAGE is soooooo different no matter your age. You learn something new in every stage.
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