“to be discreet”
Titus 2:5a
Thousands of women log onto forums, blogs, Facebook and Twitter accounts each and every day in order to speak their minds. The internet age has afforded us the opportunity to say whatever we want whenever we want, and we are all clamoring to be heard.
But, what are we saying?
Discretion is something we all like to think we practice, yet we know there are times when we speak badly of our husbands or our children or our mother-in-law and discretion gives way to venting which gives way to a drippy faucet of complaints.
Sometimes we take the “high road” and do our complaining without mentioning names. We stand on our proverbial soapbox and rant and rave about certain behaviors that bother us while envisioning one particular person, who now anonymously stands condemned through our words.
We may not be physically “wandering about from house to house” in this age of technology, but we most certainly have the opportunity to mentally wander in and out of websites saying whatever we please along the way.
Consider these verses from Proverbs 10:
Verse 14
Wise people store up knowledge,
But the mouth of the foolish is near destruction.
But the mouth of the foolish is near destruction.
Verse 19
In the multitude of words sin is not lacking,
But he who restrains his lips is wise.
But he who restrains his lips is wise.
Verse 21
The lips of the righteous feed many,
But fools die for lack of wisdom.
But fools die for lack of wisdom.
Verses 31-32
The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom,
But the perverse tongue will be cut out.
But the perverse tongue will be cut out.
The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable,
But the mouth of the wicked what is perverse.
But the mouth of the wicked what is perverse.
Is there a line between what is okay to talk about online and what is not okay? Where is that line? What does running from house to house look like in this modern age? Where is the line between venting and gossiping or tearing another person down? Do we really have a right to say whatever we want to say? How can we remind ourselves to practice discretion?
Amy @
Wow! What a great reminder and refresher about the virtue of being discreet. The verses that you shared were perfect! A few of these were some that I used in my At the Well post for today. God's Word is the authority on all that we do. Thanks for sharing today.
I can't tell you how much this spoke to me. We should only be speaking or writing things for edification not tearing down. Now have to get off of here and ask for forgiveness.
Amen! I couldn't agree with you any more!
I absolutely agree we should not be purposefully engaging one another in arguments, but the internet does afford us the opportunity to speak the truth to some we might not otherwise have been able to reach. I believe in taking a stand for the truth and I've noticed when some people do this on their blogs, others may take offense and get nasty. Does this mean we shouldn't take a stand for what is true and that we have to be politically correct or risk offending someone? I guess I would say as long as you're saying what is true in as gentle and unargumentative way as is possible over the internet, then it's ok. Jesus said that the world would hate us because it hates Him.
Fantastic subject. I tweeted out a link to this post.
wow- this really struck a nerve. I found myself falling into the casacade of "everyone else is doing it" on mom boards and such. I had to take a step back one day and realize that my words, whether written or spoken, still carry power with them, and it is eary to get infected with negativity when everyone around me was so called "venting".
I remember someone said to me there is a differnce between being open and honest- or something like that. We live in an age where the dirty laundry is un ashamedly aired for the world to see in the name of being "real".
I marvel sometimes that in a search engine search I reach public forums and read the words of people that they may have intended only for that forum's audience.
It is easy that with facelessness we can be a little careless I think.
A wise woman builds up her house, not tears it down- I don't think that had any conditions.
Being truthful does not have to require unnecessarily offered information that will invalidate anyone's name, even ourselves.
This is a great post, and something we all need to think about! Thanks for writing it!
A couple of years ago, I was pierced by Prov. 26:18 Like a madman shooting deadly arrows and firebrands 19 is one who deceives another, then says, "It was just a joke." — I have also been pressed by the scripture: Luke 6:45 The good person produces good things from the store of good in his heart, while the evil person produces evil things from the store of evil in his heart. For his mouth speaks what overflows from his heart.
I don't like it when someone tells me enough about someone else to cause me to have different feelings towards them. A listening ear is also partaking in gossip. And, these are just a few thoughts on that, but I think over all it's a difficult subject – Gossip.
I am no expert on the way to speak, what to say and how much to say or how much not to say… but I have felt convicted about what crosses my lips. Thank you for pointing out that what crosses my lips can also be what my fingers type. What helps me to use discretion is the understanding that what I say is what is in my heart. I encourage everyone here to look at the heart first, like God does… why am I saying what I'm saying? And ask Him to create in you a clean heart. Amein.
About gossip, our culture is so pro-gossip that we've become accustomed to knowing everything about movie stars and we then pull that into our every day lives attempting to know all about our friends and family members. There is a little thing called T.M.I.
May we be cautious about what enters our hearts, and what leaves our mouths. May the Lord bless you all. It's tough being a woman in this culture and in these times, but we have Abba to help us through. Love you all.
I appreciate this topic so much–all the topics have been well-chosen. Thanks for your thoughts, too.
Wendy @ Faith's Firm Foundation
P.S. Today when I came to link to my blog, my name was already there, which was confusing; I'm not sure what happened, as now I don't see the links at all. Hope that everything worked out fine.
This is one of my "soap boxes"…gossip!! And slander falls into this category as well.
Questions to ask ~ Would you say it to the person…IN person…would you say whatever you've got to say PRIVATELY to that person? Would it be fair to air your grievances in public? Is it necessary to say at all?
We ought to treat one another as we would want to be treated…we ought to consider before speaking (or writing ~ as the case may be) whether what we are saying is "to the use of edification" and building the other up IN the LORD.
God is gracious and merciful with us…are we extending the same courtesies to others?
Great post Amy! Thanks so much!
Blessings,
Camille
Thank you Camille, that is good! Amein. Blessings, girl.
Amy,
I am feeling a bit sad that there may be 5 or 6 ladies from around the world who visited my blog yesterday morning expecting to see my post on "Discretion," and there was no post! The reason is because I never linked back here yesterday! I didn't write my post until later in the afternoon; but when I came here to use Mr. Linky, imagine my surprise when I saw my name was listed already as #6! I didn't put it there, and I feel very badly because there were quite a few visitors to my site who may now have a bad opinion of me. I would never do that. Since this subject relates very much with integrity, I am deeply disturbed that mine may have come into question. So, ladies, if you were one of those who came by earlier in the day, please accept my apologies. Please come by again, because now my post is there. I don't know what happened, or how it happened, but if you, Amy, or anyone at "At the Well" have had a similar experience, maybe you can explain it to me. Anyway, everyone, thanks for your understanding, and I hope that you will give me a second chance.
Wendy @ Faith's Firm Foundation
I agree! It's so hard sometimes because blogging kindof feels like journaling….but when do we hand off our diary over for the world to read? So, yes, we do have to be discreet, thanks for this reminder
It is funny that people love to talk and talk and talk(I’ve been guilty!). Sometimes we don’t even think through how what we’re saying may impact someone – thus we gossip, slander, whine, etc. and think we’re just voicing an opinion – and I laugh cause often we think it’s a “valued” opinon.
I’ve taken up a new skill – I’m learning the art of listening. It’s a bit painful since old habits are so hard to break! It all started with “Jimmy” – that is more formally known as “James” – the little book in the new testament where in chapter 1 verse 19 he begins “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak…”
So when we post on various blogs, social networking sites etc., I agree that we should be discreet and also sensitive and kind and polite and gentle when we speak whether on paper or by word of mouth.
In our family business called “cardsforanymoment” the premise that just a few good words with a little picture can say volumes inspired us to create little cards with little quips! Whether you want to encourage someone, be frank about something, teach or remind your kids a few choice words and cards left around discreetly can really impact someone. And yes, we just started our own blog if you’d like to check us out at cardsforanymoment.blogspot.com.
We shouldn’t let our mouths become running faucets rather a vehicle for exhorting one another and the grace of God in our lives don’t you think? PS – My daughters and I coined the book of James as “Jimmy” cause he seems to speak to us so personally if you know what I mean:)