Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Ephesians 5:22
As Christian women who are striving to live in a way that pleases God, we all are familiar with Ephesians 5:22. There is no lack of teaching or exposition on this verse and what it means in practical terms. To submit is to defer to our husband’s God-given authority in the home. This means that after respectfully submitting an opinion, we let our husbands make the decision. It means willingly doing the things that our husbands ask us to do–we are their helpmeets, after all.
Thankfully, by the grace of God, I have (for the most part) been content to let my husband decide. He is a man of both wisdom and integrity, so I suppose it has been relatively easy for me to do this. For the most part, I’m also happy to make time to do whatever my husband requests. If I cannot reasonably accommodate, I will respectfully say so and he always acquiesces. I know that I am quite blessed in my marriage, though I know that other women are in situations that differ quite radically from mine.
However, even in a “great” marriage, one in which both partners know their Biblical roles and desire to fulfill them to God’s glory, there is always room for improvement.
One small thing that the Lord has convicted me on is to not only help my husband when he requests it, but also to do what I know he would prefer, even if I technically have some “wiggle room.” For example…getting gas.
I dislike getting gas. Usually when we’re approaching empty it just so happens to be windy, rainy, cold, or snowy. Or, the baby is screaming to be fed and I’m still 20 minutes from home as it is. Maybe I have ice-cream rapidly thawing after a trip to the grocery store. Or I’m racing to get home before the toddler falls asleep (I hate ruining afternoon naps!) You get the picture–it’s always something. There are lots of excuses for why I don’t stop and put gas in the tank.
On the other hand, my husband has always said that “he would prefer” to keep the tank at least half full at all times.
You can see that my husband’s wishes and my desires are in conflict. But getting gas is no big deal, right? No…until you’re heading somewhere as a family and (usually because of me) we are just going to make it on time (and he hates being late!). And…we don’t have enough gas to get where we’re going. Even worse, there’s no convenient gas station in the direction we’re traveling. So getting gas puts us at least 10 minutes behind schedule. And did I mention that my husband hates being late?
When I had been on my way home from my errands in the previous days, I had made excuses about why I couldn’t get gas…and of course I relay them to my husband as he asks, “Why didn’t you stop and get gas?” And my husband, wonderful as he is, always accepts my excuses. He knows how inconvenient it is to interrupt the little one’s naps. He’s been in the car with a screaming baby who wants to be fed. So he says very little, if anything. He knows that if there’s no pay-at-the-pump, I’m not going to drag all seven children out of the van to run in and pay. And it’s not my fault that maybe the tanker is there and the station is temporarily closed.
But I am convicted. My husband will rarely tell me to “stop and get gas,” but I know his preference. And really, there is no “good” reason to not do something that I know my husband prefers, even if he would be gracious about my neglect. So to me, submission is not just about doing the things my husband directly asks; it also means accommodating his unspoken requests and preferences. This shows my respect and my desire to please him–and this I do “as to the Lord.”
Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins. James 4:17
Blessings,
Cindy Carrier
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This is a great encouragement to all the wives, I'm blessed reading your post.
Blessings!
Anyone have suggestions on how to submit when your husband is purposely not leading, when he says he wants to "help" you with whatever you need but not make the decisions or lead in any kind of way?
Thank you for sharing this! In past years I have not submitted to his authority, and we have had issues within our marriage. But in the last few years, I felt convicted to submit and it has meant a world of difference in our marriage. Even with him being deployed presently, I still will respect his decisions e.g. – he doesn't want me to go to our downtown library at night. I also will talk to him about financial decisions as well, via chatting online, even though it might not be convenient.
RE: suggestions on how to submit when your husband is purposely not leading…I would definitely recommend reading "Created to be His Helpmeet" by Debi Pearl. It talks about three different types of men: Command Man, Visionary, and "Mr. Steady." There is a lot of great advice in there about how to live with the Mr. Steady, which is what you are describing.
I had to chuckle when you brought up getting gas. I know what you're talking about–right down to the tired kids and groceries melting on the long ride home. Tanking up at the half-way point makes a lot of sense, especially for those of us who live in the boondocks. Submitting to preferences makes even more sense!
My kids are way beyond naps now, and I learned to keep a cooler in the van for those cold items that need to be kept cold but the greatest thing that helped me was changing how I viewed that gas stop. I turned it around so it's something small I can do for my hubster so he doesn't have to worry about it, on top of all the other little details he juggles. Seeing that gas pump as a small ministry changed my attitude about it. =]
wow- love this. As you described your husband, I thought of my own. I too am contect with allowing my husband to make decisions as I am sure he is always seeking the voice of the Lord regarding the decisions. but there are those things,that I know he would 'prefer" but I do not oblige, justifing myself that, hey he can "deal". Of course that is not what I am INTENDING to say but, I suppose actions speak louder than words…I am convicted as well. Amen.
Perfect Cindy. This was excellent. I love getting these updates in my inbox and reading them as I can during the day.
Things that are so simple to do, yet we make them so difficult, yes? My husband is like yours, steady and kind, rarely asking me to do anything and expressing his gratitude at the most simple of efforts. If I wanted, I could easily let myself slip into laziness, too secure in his undying love and affection. Thanks for the little reminder that we are not only called to submit to his commands, but to his [sometimes] unspoken wishes and preferences as well!
Great reminder! Thanks for the gentle nudge.
Have a blessed week.
I enjoyed looking over your blog
God bless you
Thank you for the reminder! I try to remember that too. I love to please my husband!
Thanks for reminding us that we should aim to please and obey our husbands in the little things as well as the big things.
What a wonderful reminder and encouragement! I always try my hardest to submit the correct way to my husband but since I am human I mess up and make mistakes. This reminds me though that even the little things are important! Once I started submitting to my husband I can honestly say that our relationship got better, we became closer, and I became closer to God. It is sad that most people around me, even fellow Christians, think it is the wrong thing to do. If only they could see how it improves things.
If only husbands would rush to satisfy our preferences in this way, as they show their love for us as Christ loves the Church.
How about an article on that? It is always about the wife submitting, and never the husband showing his love in a godly manner.