Years ago, my marriage had a different tone. I was the one who made decisions. My husband came to ME when things needed done or asked. The kids went to ME when asking to do or go somewhere. I ran the home! Lots of little irritations from both sides. It really never “felt” right but I really never knew why.
The holy spirit started to speak to my heart and brought a very wise book into my life about being a “help-meet.” It was eye opening to me! I never understood why my husband was less than happy at home, or why we argued about little things.
For awhile things began to get bad and our home was not a good place to be and our marriage was not in a good place either! Then God began a work from the inside out! It was not an easy transition for either of us! My husband actually was okay with me making the decisions. He has a very easy-going personality and I’ll just say, I was not… As I read this book, I began to see how truly our of order we were!
I began to do simple things like wait for him at the door when he got home from work and welcome him with a hug and kiss. I also made sure the house was in order and dinner was almost ready so he did not have to wait long to eat.
I began to talk to my children how special dad is and how we need to let him know we appreciate him. They made posters to put on the door when he came home from work that would read, “Thank you dad, you’re the BEST!” Or, “WE Love our dad!” I started to make his favorite desserts more, leave love notes for him on his pillow and drawers, and most importantly the kids and I began to pray fervently out loud daily for him together! It was life changing!
The kids began to see our prayers being answered! None of these things were done to impress him but done out of pure love and he could tell the difference! He began to be more loving, affectionate and interested in our lives.
Years ago our lives were turned upside down for the better and we have learned from God, HIS plan for a husband and wife. There are times I get tired and just plain lazy and have to stand up and wipe the dust of my lap and get the wrinkles out of my dress (okay, maybe my skirt) and remember that it is my husband who needs to be refreshed by my acts of selflessness. So I regroup and put a plan in action to show him I am his help-meet and I am here to serve him!
If your marriage is the “help-meet kind,” I commend you and strongly advise you to counsel a young lady in how to put their marriage into a Godly order! Remember, the old shall counsel the young!
If you do not have this kind of marriage, I ask that you first begin to pray and ask God to show you His plan and just begin to make little changes for your man! Begin with smiling more, and welcoming him! You will see a difference! Then ask God where to go from there! Ask your husband what is important to him. Make a list and work on it! You will see a difference and your entire family will to! If you have any questions on how I began this process, please feel free to contact me! I will do the best I can to share the wisdom God has given me!
Very good post and I do pray many more women and men read this because we as women of God we have our own roles in a marriage just like the husband has his role to play. And when we go out of our roles and take the other person role the marriage becomes out of order and Jesus is a God of order.
Several years ago before I got married myself my Pastor did a teaching on Husbands and Wives roles in the bible at the time I was in my 20′s and did not think I needed to attend the class because I was not planning on getting married no time soon. But my Pastor wanted every women to attend and every man to attend well I did go and I learned so much that it was an eye opener for me because I had my own ideas as to what the marriage is to be. And boy was I wrong!! Now that I am married I see those teachings in my marriage and neither one of us step outside of our roles…
THANK YOU THANK YOU!! i soo needed that this morning- Im super blessed. i have always followed my husbands lead & still do but its harder, since we moved & he got a new job- his spiritual lead isnt there anymore..its effecting all of us. i pray against a bitter heart & pray that he will rise up…
My sister I am going to be praying for that spiritual leadership in your home to be restored. But in the meantime you and hubby need to talk so you can find out why he is lacking, I know with the new job can be difficult and I say this because my hubby took on a new job and that was one of the things we talked about that he must stay on his role as the head of the home.
Not that he forgot his role but we as women need to bring things like this to their attention because the enemy loves nothing more then to distract the spiritual leader of our home. Your spirit’s heart is soft and I sense it and I want you to know that God is going to honor your request…because you desire the righteousness and the word says those who hunger and thirst for righteousness shall be filled. You my dear are going to be filled. Begin now to praise God and thank Him…Would you do me a favor? Please email me and let me know of your testimony…of the goodness of Jesus..here is my email scent4roses@yahoo.com
God bless!
desiray- THANK YOU SO MUCH for praying for my family- my husband & i share the same e-mail. and i was wondering if we can FB- i saw ur blog and saw that u have FB. my last name has a P-F.
thank you
Stephanie
You are more then welcome my dear that is what we are to do is pray for people…and that is what I do. I would be honor to connect with you on FB my last name is Lewis
.see you on facebook my dear..
I could not find you on Facebook…try finding me my dear I sent you an email
This was totally my story. I wonder if we read the same book. I wanted to throw it across the room, because the ideas were so foreign to me. But I could see in the examples how, the effects in other relationships.
I was embarrassed by how quickly my hubby, and close friends noticed a difference. Was I that much of a control freak?
Staci~ I laughed when you said you wanted to throw it across the room. Sometimes I would have to put it down just to take a breather because it was so un-common from what I had known. I too have control issues and actually still to this day am working on that!
So I understand that part too! Keep working on your relationship and thank you for responding!
Blessings!
I too was wondering if we had read the same book
It was also completely a foreign idea to me coming from a VERY matriarchal family and one where at least one divorce in a lifetime is par for the course. There were times when I would read something and think that there was no way that was right. Then God would convict me on it. Or I would take the idea to my husband and he would explain to me how he felt. It felt like learning a completely new language and culture!
I think the most important thing I learned about my husband (besides that he is a visionary type man) was that what I saw as “indicision” was a decision. It’s still something I greatly struggle with, but I’m getting better.
One thing I did that made a huge difference was to ask him and observe things that would stress him out from the moment he came home. One is having a cluttered house. I now stand at the front door and look around. I make sure everything in eye sight is picked up and put away. He doesn’t feel overwhelmed as long as his first sight of our home is one of peace and cleanliness. It doesn’t have to be spotless or even all put away. But as long as his sight is of un-cluttered space, he is happy. For a perfectionist like me, who just looks out and sees what still needs to be done, this was a big step…but it made a huge difference!
Heather: Awesome post… I am going to copy and send to my Daughter and my DIL…….
You wrote exactly how the Lord desires a marriage to be….
Enjoyed and I’m going to pass it along!
Hugs,
Holly
Thank you for sharing. God really placed these truths in our life at just the right time. I was a major, independent person before having babies. God really molded my heart for His plan for life and I am so pleased. I still fail to be what I need to be for my husband but he is so supportive and extremely involved in our family.
Maybe I missed it, but what’s the name of the book? I want it!!!
I would also love to know the name of the book!
Thank you for such an encouraging article!