Living Spiritually Single

Today we welcome Dineen from Spiritually Unequal Marriage to At the Well to answer the following question:

I am a spiritually single mom with 2 children trying to love and walk with the Lord while being submissive to my unbelieving husband.   Any encouragement or biblical teaching would be much appreciated.

Dear Spiritually Single,

First, let me say that your desire to love and walk with the Lord while being submissive to your unbelieving husband is a huge step. This desire is the spark God asks for so that he can supply the strength and wisdom for you to travel this path.  It’s not an easy one, but I find the richest paths of life are often fraught with challenges and trials.

There’s so much I’d love to share with you! More than will fit in a blog post, but how about some basics? I don’t know where you are in your faith walk, so if I’m telling you things you already know, forgive me and then appreciate the distance you’ve already covered!

First and foremost, we need to keep our relationship with God a priority.  Even if you can’t go to church every Sunday, you can still cultivate this relationship with our precious Lord.  In fact, I find my daily quiet time is when I’m able to draw closest to God, read and study his Word, and receive the wisdom and strength I need for every day. Just like you desire to spend time and stay close to your spouse, you need time with God to know him (and we never stop getting to know him, that’s the wonderful part!) and to keep the relationship thriving.

Also realize you play a very influential role in your husband’s life.  I don’t know the circumstances of how you wound up unequally yoked, it doesn’t matter now.  What matters is that you realize one, your marriage is still blessed by God and two, God has a plan for you within your marriage.  You are the closest person to your husband who can show (not with words but with actions) him who Jesus is.

Here’s a piece of Scripture we recently shared on our blog, Spiritually Unequal Marriage:

For the rest of you who are in mixed marriages—Christian married to non-Christian—we have no explicit command from the Master. So this is what you must do. If you are a man with a wife who is not a believer but who still wants to live with you, hold on to her. If you are a woman with a husband who is not a believer but he wants to live with you, hold on to him. The unbelieving husband shares to an extent in the holiness of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is likewise touched by the holiness of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be left out; as it is, they also are included in the spiritual purposes of God.

On the other hand, if the unbelieving spouse walks out, you’ve got to let him or her go. You don’t have to hold on desperately. God has called us to make the best of it, as peacefully as we can. You never know, wife: The way you handle this might bring your husband not only back to you but to God. You never know, husband: The way you handle this might bring your wife not only back to you but to God.

And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life. Don’t think I’m being harder on you than on the others. I give this same counsel in all the churches.

— 1Corinthians 7:12-17 (The Message)

During this time season of being unequally yoked, seek God for his direction in your marriage.  Seek God also for your deepest needs, ones your husband really can’t and shouldn’t fill.  This will prevent you from having unrealistic expectations of your husband, one’s he can’t possibly meet since he doesn’t share your belief system.

Trust God with your marriage and your life.  I know this isn’t easy, and we learn how to trust God in steps as they pertain to certain areas of our lives, but God loves you, sees you, and knows you better than anyone.  No matter how difficult certain times or situations may become, remember that God works for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).

Dear friend, you are most definitely called to be on the front lines for your husband. God will show you what to do.

Our blog, Spiritually Unequal Marriage, is there as a resource to help. We have so many wonderful readers who share their wisdom as well. There’s also a page of books for reading resources. And Lynn and I are always there and happy to pray for anyone who asks. I hope you’ll visit our site so we and many others sharing similar journeys may walk with you.

Praying and believing,

Dineen

Dineen A. Miller writes fiction and nonfiction and is the owner of Designer Girl Graphics, which specializes in the design needs of the publishing industry. Married for more than twenty-two years, she shares her life with a great guy who adores disc golf, her two daughters who never stop surprising her with their own creativity, and a dog who no doubt is an angel in disguise. You can find her at her blog, www.dineenmiller.com. Her first book, Winning Him Without Words, ten Christ centered principles to help women thrive in spiritually mismatched marriages, releases in January 2011.

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