Living Apart During a Recession

Five years ago, after about five year’s worth of pay cuts and financial hardship, my husband was offered a much better job, with much better pay. We were thrilled. The new boss was very friendly and wanted to talk with me as well as my husband as he explained the benefits package and pay. I was impressed. The new boss asked me what I thought, and I said, only half joking, “Sounds good as long as you guys don’t close your doors 2 months after you hire Martin!” and everyone around the table laughed. We’d actually had that happen a few times in our married life.

We were finally able to do some needed repairs, including fixing up the kitchen that was falling apart. Martin knew I loved demolition work, so he gave me the sledgehammer and told me to have fun knocking out the soffits. That weekend was a long holiday weekend, and after working there for two months at 3x the pay we had been used to, we had put half of each paycheck into the bank, and we were going to fix the kitchen, among other things, finally. I started to knock out the soffits that had annoyed me for years when the phone rang.

“Please tell me you haven’t used the sledgehammer yet…” my husband’s voice sounded pretty stressed.

“Too late, babe. What’s up?” I asked, not sure I wanted to know.

“Um, they are, um, closing the shop….”

The recession that is now gripping the nation was in full stride already in the Michigan manufacturing sector, and my husband couldn’t find another job, at least not one that wouldn’t give us an even bigger pay cut. He finally found work, in Cleveland, Ohio. I was to stay behind, try to fix up the house alone, and sell the house, while being a single mom raising the kids.

The Realtor gave me the bad news that my house appraised for $20,000 less than what we owed on it, and that was assuming we fix the kitchen and the hardwood floors. Given that housing was quite a bit more on the side of Cleveland that hubby was working in, we’d need any money from the house we could get, so this was not good news. My husband lived in the basement of a widow he knew from a friend of a friend, which allowed him to live fairly reasonably, but we still had two households we were essentially paying for, and his income was back to what it was before that “dream job.”

So many people at that time had their opinions on what we should do or why this was happening. There’s always Job’s counselors aren’t there? I had people wonder if God was chastening us. I had unsaved family using this as an occasion to further mock our faith in a God that clearly let us down. I had people tell my husband he was nuts to work out of state, and that I needed to go get to work. In reality, I did get off to work. It was around this time that I started designing websites on the side to earn some extra money.

For a year and a half, Martin lived and worked in Ohio, sometimes commuting home on weekends, and I kept the home fires burning as best as I could back in Michigan.

Sadly, a recent news story indicates that this sort of arrangement is happening to lots of families in America with the job situation as it is.

There are a few things that I’ve found especially helpful in dealing with this situation:

1. Don’t Have a Lengthy Honey-Do List for His Weekends Home

I know, this is not what you wanted to hear. After a long week of being home alone with no reprieve, you want to throw a week’s worth of shared labor onto your husband, but that’s not the best idea. If he’s commuting a long time, the ride will be that much longer and more dreaded if he knows he has a honey do list instead of a relaxing weekend with a family that missed spending time with him waiting for him.

2. Ask for Help from Others Around You

Not everyone has a great support structure around them, but if you do, don’t hesitate to ask for some help from those around you. This sort of situation can be extremely stressful. Losing a job and switching jobs is stressful enough on a family, but having your husband only able to find work out of state is very high stress. If you can arrange for an evening or an afternoon when you can be out of the house alone for a while, do so. You know what recharges your batteries. He will be less stressed and have a more refreshing time (as will you) if he comes home to a refreshed wife, instead of one that is harried and grouchy from the stress of the situation.

3. Find Other Modes of Communication That Work for Both of You

One of the benefits of living in this day and age is the inexpensive telecommunications we have. There was a time when a long distance phone call was a significant expense. Though you still don’t want to run up a big phone bill, communicating long distance is not as hard or expensive as it used to be. If you are blessed with high speed internet (or can use wi fi at McDonalds or a coffee shop), you can communicate face to face, using an inexpensive web cam and Skype, a free service. Even some dollar stores sell web cams these days!

Some cell phone services have packages which allow cell phones in the same family communicate for free. Unlimited texting plans allow for text messages to be sent. Email is also easy, and will allow you to share photos too.

4. Guard Your Heart

God said that it is not good for man to be alone…and it still isn’t. Marriage wasn’t designed to be a long distance relationship. We flourish by nurturing our relationship every day, not once a week, all at once. When you water a flower, you water and tend it every day, not pouring 2 cups of water into it once a week.

Because this situation is not the norm, and not the way things are designed to work, we need to be careful to guard our heart, even when our man is not home with us every day, and we need to pray for him and the temptations he may be facing, being away from home so often.

As I type this, I am looking over at the cracked plaster in my kitchen, at the same spot I had hit right before the phone rang to tell me we were again out of work. It’s still not fixed, but thankfully my husband does have a job back in the same state as me. Life hasn’t been my ideal but God is still good.

About The Author

Kimberly Eddy has written 19 articles on this blog.

Hardly the drudgery she originally feared it would be, Kimberly Eddy’s life at home has been one big adventure in mothering, wifeliness, and walking with the Lord. Kimberly has been Martin’s wife since 1992, and a joyful momma since 1993. She and Martin have five children ages 10-16, and have home schooled their children from birth. Kimberly’s love for art and writing has bore fruit with a daily blog, a nature journalling blog with her daughters, several books and ebooks, as well as articles published in various magazines.

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