“Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.”
Romans 12:18, NLT
I am very blessed to be married to a patient, kind-hearted man. God knew exactly who I would need, being a high-strung, not very patient lady. We balance each other very well.
It takes a lot to really get under my man’s skin and get him really worked up….but when he reaches his limit…….
One thing that will quickly lower his patience level is lack of sleep. He’s never done very well when he doesn’t get at least 7 or 8 hours of sleep a night.
This has been a very hard thing to accomplish since both of our teens have went to work. They work at the same place, but have two very different schedules. Although DH tries to get some naps in, they don’t seem to satisfy him as good as a full night’s sleep does.
Stay with me for a moment, because I’m trying to set the stage…….
Friday night: DD has to close at work. Due to circumstances out of her control, it’s past 11 pm when she gets home. DH is a great dad and he really tries to stay up to check in with the kids and see how their day went. Friday night was no different.
It’s past midnight before we get to bed.
Now, even though he can sleep in on Saturday’s, DH’s internal clock is programmed to go off at 6 am and he rarely can fall back asleep. It’s just how he is.
This Saturday was no exception. Note: 6 hours sleep.
The day went quickly as we had to leave home around 2 pm. We were taking our kids and a friend to an awesome Christian concert about 45 minutes from our house…an outdoor concert….and it was raining…and it was cold.
DH was a trooper though and we managed to get in bed somewhere around 1 am Sunday morning.
Church was awesome and we had a great day but…..
The kids were gone with their co-workers and their boss for the evening. A few times a year, their boss has an outing just to show her appreciation for her employees and this was one of those times. Kids got home around 11ish. Bed around midnight again.
So in 3 nights DH has only gotten about 18 hours sleep. Maybe great for some folks, not my man.
Monday morning and he’s leaving for work. It has rained almost everyday for the last month or so where we live and so our yard is sloppy mushy everywhere you step. DH has to walk across that sloppy yard to get to his truck. He slops across the yard, gets in his truck, turns the key…..nothing.
He gets under the hood, twists on the battery cables…..nothing.
What happened next was the rumbling and explosion of Mt. Hubby.
He stomps back across our sloppy mushy yard. I can see in his face that he is angry beyond belief. I stick my head out the back door only to be greeted with anger, yelling, hatefulness…….just down right MAD!!!!
He gets in my car. I tell him to be careful and I love him but I’m pretty sure he hasn’t heard a word I said.
He peels out of the driveway and he’s gone.
About an hour later the phone rings.
Me, “Hello?”
DH, “Hey sweetie. Look, I just want to apologize. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did and I’m sorry you had to witness that. I love you.”
Me, “It’s okay. No big. I love you too.”
DH, “Gotta go. Bye.”
Me, “Bye.”
The end.
Take the time to get to know your husband. In doing that, you can avoid so many foolish arguments that seem to plague married couples everywhere.
Learn to keep your tongue quiet. Arguments cannot progress if they’re not being fed.
I know my man and when he was erupting, I knew it wasn’t directed toward me. He was tired from lack of sleep, frustrated because his truck wouldn’t crank, worried that he was now going to be late for work.
When I opened the door and was greeted with the explosion, flesh wanted to yell back, “Hey buddy!!! Ain’t my fault your truck won’t crank, don’t yell at me!!!” But just the quieting of the tongue kept foolishness from rearing it’s ugly head.
Within an hour, all was well…..just because a wife knew her man.
” A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.”
Proverbs 14:1, NLT
Blessings!!!
Deb
Come visit me over at my blog!!
This is excellent advice!!! Very wise and something to think about !
Love Collette xxxx
Ohhhh…Yes!!! I can completely relate to your story. My husband is the same way he needs his full 8-10 hrs a night.I'm a night owl that goes on 4-5 hrs tops, so you can see how we bumped heads for a while.
It took me only 3.5 yrs to come to understand. When I came across James 1:19 that was the moment I actually began making a change in the way I was so easily angered and offended by his snippiness .
Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
James 1:19 (New Living Translation)
This one scripture has helped me a long way!Although I must admit I'm still learning but from the first year of marriage to the present, I can truly say that a great progress has been made
Blessings,
Eevee
My Pastor's wife once handed out buttons to all her church ladies. The point was that there is almost always a good time to button your lips.
If more women took this advice to heart, there would be less fighting in a marriage. I think I need to take this advice myself because I tend to blow up when I see him angry because I think he is mad at me and he is not. He is just mad at the situation.
Thanks for sharing!
Almost the exact same scenario happened for us – last week. My hubby also needs his sleep and he keeps things under control, pretty well… until, like you said.
I appreciate the reminder to "know your man". I by nature tend to be more reserved and such – but here of late, I've been stepping out of that. I'm not sure how or why – but I do want to
recognize those times – "slow to speak, slow to anger", and that by me not adding fuel to the fire is ultimately being an example, a blessing, & a testimony to others. Here is my own life motto; "My response will make or break a situation". ~b
The question I've been mulling over for myself is this: "How well do you know yourself?" The answer to that may or not make all the differance in the world.
Good thoughts to day, Deb! Thanks.
I was really amazed at how strong of an argument extinguisher silence could be.
What a great post!! Thanks for posting this , I needed this today.
http://theballardsblog.blogspot.com/
Yes, yes, yes! The study of your husband! This not only saves me and the kids from (occasional) confrontation that might not be our fault, but by being patient and quiet for a time I can approach my husband at a later time to discuss and help him deal with an issue he might be having.
The greatest marriage boosting advice!!
This is great advice and so true. Thanks for the reminder.
Love,
Jackie
You are so right! Thanks for the reminder…After 15 years of marriage, I had been studying scriptures and Created to be His Helpmeet, and God has been so good to turn my stubborn heart to truly 'respect' (meaning to look at intentionally) my husband. Not long into the study and changes, my husband commented that he feels so much more secure and loved because he feels that I truly understand him now, and accept him. He has a very difficult job right now, and he has said he couldn't be doing what he does without my support…and that means my understanding and acceptance of his ways. How humbling and how wonderful! God's ways are truly amazing.
Ladies I am truly convinced that if we would stop for just a moment and think about all the pressures and stresses our husbands have on them, we would all calm down and quit looking at everything as a crisis!! In doing that, our husbands will love and respect us much more than we could ever imagine.
Over at my blog, we are studying through the book Created to be His Help Meet every Friday. I'd love to have you join us! This book is truly life/marriage/woman changing!
Blessings!!
Deb
Such a wonderful post today! A good reminder for me! Thank you!
So very true, as I guess with most men, it's always good to keep quiet and say a prayer for them (or maybe for me to) as opposed to spewing out my ugly words!
Boy have I learned this lesson the hard way. But I can say that I am much better than I used to be. I hope that I can give him the grace that God gives me. It's tough somedays when my flesh cries out for revenge or in anger over a hurt. Just keepin' it real…
Stacie
This story reminds me of a saying that I have hanging in my bathroom: "Lord, please keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth."
Yes, it's very wise advise for wives to know their husband's strengths, weaknesses, and temperments. It makes married life much happier and less stressful. We (wives) just need to "hold our tongues" on the "simple stuff."