Keeping the Love Alive

How many marriages seem to end with the words, “But I just don’t love him (or her) anymore!” Too many.

I’ve had too many friends who had what appeared to be strong marriages, but who, in the end, claimed they just didn’t love their spouse anymore and they decided that ending the marriage would fix that problem.

Thankfully, there’s a better, God-honoring way to recapture the love we felt on the day we said “I Do!”

Many of us have read, or even said ourselves, that love is an action word not an emotion, and that part is true enough. A marriage can last even if the feelings that first our hearts have faded, just by determining to honor the vows we made on our wedding day. There is something to be said about simply being determined to keep our commitments. However, we can also help love to last by keeping the memory of why we fell in love in the first place alive, long after the routine of the everyday has replaced the excitement of courtship, with three simple practices:

1. Spending time together just enjoying each other’s company.

In some ways, my husband and I have recently begun a second courtship of sorts. Our oldest child is 16, our youngest is 10, and with older children comes the freedom that we didn’t have when we were trying to survive having 5 children under 6 and miscellaneous job upheavals. Now when my husband washes windows on the weekends (a side job he’s taken on), I go along, and we make a date of it. Through these times, we’ve been rediscovering something that we may have forgotten over these more pragmatic years of raising a growing family: just enjoying each other’s company and remembering what it was like to fall in love.

Since we’ve started having a monthly “window washing date,” we’ve both made it more of a priority to enjoy each other on the regular old normal, boring days too. We’ve recommitted ourselves to connecting in the everyday, and it’s made a huge difference in our marriage. Hubby and I were both saying recently that we feel as though we’ve fallen in love all over again.

You don’t have to spend money or even leave the house to reconnect with your beloved. Obviously the specifics depend on your interests as a couple, but we’ve discovered the joy of a picnic in the backyard, or going for a walk through our neighborhood holding hands. We spend time playing chess together too. I even will sometimes sit next to him while he plays his favorite video game after work, even though video games don’t interest me in the least. He’s commented about how much he simply enjoys me being there, and I enjoy it too.

2. Remember and Think About the Reasons You Fell In Love

Often, in the busy-ness and bustle of our responsibility as wives, mothers, and keepers at home, we focus more on what the other members of the family are not doing (or aren’t doing enough). For us as women, there is a huge battle in our attitudes and thoughts. Men may be more tempted through their eyes, but I think that, as women, we are more easily tempted through negative attitudes. Instead, take some time to think about and meditate on the things that made you fall in love with your mate in the first place. What was it that screamed out to you that this was “the one?” Focus on those qualities in your thoughts, and lay the not so great qualities at the Master’s feet in prayer.

3. Communicate Your Love Often

When we were dating, I used to send him cards and love notes. Now, I send him frequent text messages (we have an unlimited texting plan with our cell phones). This enables us to keep in touch even while he is at work, without being disruptive to his workday, as he sets up machines and usually has a few moments waiting for jobs to run or finish up. Just a simple “I love you” has be a blessing to him, and to me. Often I’ll give him a quick text to let him know I’m thankful that he works so hard for our family, or I’ll just let him know I’m thinking of him. It’s such a simple thing, but communicating this while he is at work, away from us, has helped his frame of mind too.