Recently, my husband had a very stressful situation at work that ended up costing him his job. Though he did nothing wrong, someone accused him of wrongdoing. He came home and I could just tell from his behavior that he thought I was going to mad, or disappointed, or something.
Then he told me what happened, and at that point we didn’t know if he was going to keep his job or not. In my head, I was anxious and scared and hyperventilating (this isn’t even possible to do in your head, but that is how I felt) and my heart rate was going crazy. My husband is our sole provider, and only source of income. If he lost his job, I don’t know what we would do…
However, I knew I had two choices….
1. I could freak out and voice all of my concerns to my husband. This would, in my opinion, have made the situation worse. He would have started worrying and freaking out more. He would have gotten extremely stressed. And my response would have put more pressure on him than necessary and would have caused him to rely more on himself than on Christ to handle the situation.
OR
2. I could show him my love, as Titus 2 calls me to do. I could build him up, rather than tear him down (Proverbs 14:1). There was nothing that could change the situation now. All I could do was choose how to respond. What Michael needed most of all, right then in the moment, was to know that he was loved!
The second option is not my natural inclination. Not at all. However, all things are possible with God (Mark 10:27), right ladies? In the worst of times, that is when God is truly given the opportunity to shine through us! Because as humans, sinful by nature, we cannot show love like this in and of ourselves!
This is only something that can be done through Christ! And this was a time when I truly needed to rely on Christ to give me the words to say! And, once I handed this over to God, in my head that morning, God was able to shine through, instead of me!
Especially in difficult times, our husbands need to know that we love them. It might not be easy to show, but ask Christ to work in you and through you, and you will be surprised at the outcome!
You can find Ashley regularly at her personal blog, Putting God First Place.
My husband immigrated to Australia in 2007/8. The first job he got was right before the worldwide economic crash. SIX months later he was told to not come back to work the following day – they blamed it on the economy, but he blamed himself, thinking he must have done something wrong. He was unemployed for six months. He is our sole provider. Then he got a local job which started out ok but deteriorated very rapidly, including multiple false accusations and abuses, until finally he could take it no more and rather than be fired, he had to quit the job. Thank the Lord he was only out of work for 2 months this time (he just started his new job yesterday).
Both times he lost his job, I had this same choice you wrote of. The easy thing to do is to worry and fret. The difficult thing to do is to uplift, encourage and support our husband in those difficult times. But the latter brings so much more blessing and satisfaction! I enjoyed reading this article – not that it is a good thing for your husband to lose his job, but because your struggle sounds so much like what I have gone through. Sometimes it is good to know we are not alone.
God SO knew I needed to 'hear' this message today.
Thank you for posting it & being so real.
Many blessings,
Allison
Great message! I have been faced with the choice you speak of several times. I stress out about EVERYTHING, so that's my natural inclination; but when I show love and encouragement to my husband instead, it strengthens our marriage.
My husband and I have been going through a rough patch (okay, a *very* rough patch) recently due to this very thing, I think. He lost his the middle of last year, and honestly, I've not been leaning on Christ like I should be. It's so difficult for me to "Let go and let God", which is exactly what I need to do in order to have that ability to lift my husband up. I feel like such a failure in this and it's making me question my belief as well, because although I'm trying, that worry, fret, anger, and yes, resentment, comes sneaking back in constantly…making me feel as though I'm not believing hard enough or trusting in Him to get us through. I'm in tears as I type, because I hate this about myself and don't know what else to do besides what I'm doing. But this post makes me understand that God is here – He let me read this today for a reason.
I think sometimes we think of our husbands as these "big men" with these "big egos" that have always got everything under control. We can fall into the trap of thinking that what we do or say, that our attitudes and our reactions won't really effect them, because they're big boys, they don't really need us.
What a lie Satan has sold us–probably all of us, from time to time.
The truth is that the esteem and respect of his wife matters more to a man than any other person's. She is cradling a sensitive being–not effeminate in any way, but still one that she can tear down with a complaint or bitter word–or raise up with just a respectful word or a loving smile, even when it's hard to give. He needs to know that he's our super hero, he's our knight in shining armor. To think that he's failed in his role as provider can destroy a man if his wife is careless in her reactions.
Thank you for this post. Yet another reminder that we are certainly not "powerless" in our role as home keepers and help meets, as many would have us believe! No, we hold a frightening amount of power and influence over our men, and it sends me to my knees every time I think about it, begging God to help me use it for His good and not for evil.
Thank you for sharing. We are unemployed right now, as well, and every day is a walk of faith. But let me tell you ladies…GOD PROVIDES!
Just keep lifting your husbands up to the throne of Grace and He will give you peace as well.
God's blessings,
Carol
Ashley, so sorry to hear about your husband's job situation. Praise God that you were able to override your natural inclination (I'm in the same boat with you… I am way Type A) and let the Lord give you peace and free you from your worries so you could just love your husband! After my husband retired from the military and went back to school, he went 7 months after graduation without a job. I know it is stressful… my mind would work overtime reminding me of all the negative things about our situation, but the Lord was so good and patient and faithful! Thank you for sharing so honestly. Even though I thought I had learned this lesson, I felt your post convicting me.(Sometimes, I have to go back for refresher courses!) May God bless you and Michael abundantly!
Ladies, I see that job loss is definitely a problem many of us are facing right now, in this poor economic state. But, we can trust in God (Which many times is the only constant and unchanging thing in my life!) for our future.
God has a plan for all of us and it is for good. So, good will come. We just have to wait for His timing!
Ax Lady – My heart is breaking for you, and I am so sorry about your current situation. Please know that God has promised to never leave or forsake us. He is with you, TODAY! And we cannot encourage our husbands through difficult times, unless we are empty, and relying fully on God. I know it is hard to give God full reign. Many of us have been hurt before and don't trust others very well. But, God is deserving of our trust in all things. Give it to Him and you (and your husband) will reap the benefits!!! I promise!
-Ashley
Thank you so much for this!! I tend to get annoyed with my husband's job and let him know it. I shouldn't though,I should encourage him!
Bless you Ashley, and all of you other gals who are facing this situation. I am praying for you?
Ditto. I'm in the same boat and there are times when I've wanted to let out my own anger onto my husband and barely stopped myself in time. I'm so scared and so consumed with worry. I love my husband and he's always provided for our family. We're both broken over this and adding to that would be allowing the dark side to take power. I am reading the Bible for the first time and trying SO hard to apply the lessons and promises there to my life. I am not one who easily gives over my own control but in this I have absolutely no choice.
I am so glad I came across this entry. I am currently very sick with Lyme Disease and my husband is now taking care of his duties to the household and mine. We have 4 young girls, ages 6 and under, and he is doing everything as I am bedridden. There have been moments where he has become stressed and has had an attitude and sadly I gave attitude back. I now realize that he is just stressed from having to do everything and it isn’t towards me. I think if I respond to him the way you described in option 2 it will make life easier for both of us and maybe help him know that I truly do appreciate all he is doing for our family. Thank you