Flirting 101

Today I hope to touch upon a subject that is very near and dear to my heart, as well as my husband’s. We have so much fun in our marriage and we both think fun is important in a marriage. This subject can be a bit sensitive and some might find it uncomfortable to talk about, but I am going to take the risk because I feel it is so important.

I want you to know right up front that I believe that the marriage bed is an unbelievable gift that is holy and pure. I pray what I write today will reflect that.

My husband and I flirt, I mean a lot of flirting! (with each other, of course!) It makes our marriage so much fun, and the intimacy only grows between us. When I say intimacy, I mean the closeness and oneness between a married couple, not just what happens in bed.

Below are just some suggestions of how to incorporate ‘flirting’ in your marriage. You know your husband better than anybody, what works for one might not work for others. I am merely suggesting that you prayerfully find ways to ‘flirt’ with your man!

Flirting 101

Passionate kissing! Find moments to surprise your husband with a passionate kiss. Maybe on his way out the door in the morning. Imagine his surprise if you never do this! F.Y.I., brush teeth first.

Love notes/emails are a way to let him know you are thinking about him. We used to write love notes to each other all the time, we still do some, but emails come in handy too. Don’t be afraid to have a little fun with these. You can always ‘destroy the evidence’ if need be. (wink) Sometimes it is easier to write things that we might be uncomfortable saying. Things we might like to do, or have him do. Be romantic, it is okay to make him blush!

‘Flirty looks.’ Apparently I have what my husband calls a ’saucy, come hither look.’ He loves when I cast him one of these from across the room. You should see the smile on his face.

Dance in the kitchen, the living room, where ever! We have been known to grab the other person right there in the middle of making hash browns and eggs, spatula in hand and all, and just start dancing! He has even dipped me a few times. I squeal with surprise and the children all laugh and get excited. They see all the time that Mama and Papa love each other so much!

Whisper ’sweet naughties,’ I mean ’sweet nothings’ in his ear. Use your imagination and don’t be shy, as long as you make sure nobody else is listening.

We have lots of ‘private’ words. They are just normal words, with special meaning. Nobody has a clue what we mean, it is our little secret. I of course can’t tell you them because they are secret. Are there words that only the two of you know the real meaning of?

Be hands on! Touch him more. It might be a simple, gentle stroke on his shoulder or a tousle of his hair, (if he has hair ;-) . Or, if nobody is looking, you might think of other places you could touch. Sometimes you will find us walking closely together at the store, even just brushing up against each other, so casually and non-chalantly, of course. This is a good time for that ’saucy, come hither look.’

Admire his physique. This is easy, right? Find something you like about his body and let him know you like it! I will grab hold of his arm and swoon over his ‘guns,’ as we call them. Maybe it is his derriere, or legs or smile, whatever! Frequently tell him how simply amazing he is!

Initiate a game of chase. We do this and somehow he catches me right at our bed and we plop down in each others arms laughing and kissing. Of course, in a millisecond we can occasionally have several small children on top of us. Everybody is laughing and squealing with delight.

Shower together. We have ‘grown’ into this one. I can promise you that in our early marriage I would not be caught naked, in the bathroom, with Brian, with the lights on! I promise. But, as our marriage has grown and walls have come down, we love a long, hot shower together!

We have found recently that we talk or reminisce about our times of intimacy. We have also noticed at times we are doing more talking about times of intimacy than we are having times of intimacy, if you know what I mean. Funny thing is, it seems like we are having more times of intimacy because of all the talking! Works for me ;-) The whole next day we might be reminding each other of certain things, or thanking the other for certain things. You get the idea, right?

Okay, I am going to step out just a little bit more here. I want to talk to you about how us women dress. I mean under our clothes or when we go to bed. I am all for modesty in all ways! But, I do think there is value in being just a little bit ‘immodest’ under our clothing. Do you know what I mean? I don’t think there is anything ungodly or unholy about swapping out the stained, cotton, ten year old nursing bra for a pretty, lacy little number for date night! Or, some slightly uncomfortable little dainties to wear under your very modest skirt or dress. ;-)

Also, there is nothing wrong with having an especially ‘immodest’ nightie to wear on special occasions. Hide it under your big fluffy robe while the children are still awake and then give him a peek before you crawl into bed. You do know that men are very visual, right? I really do believe we can do these types of things in a tasteful and pure way.

Now, procuring these items are a bit difficult for a home schooling, mama of nine! I mean really, how comfortable is it to even buy bras at your local department store? Now, this crazy woman wants you to go buy little, lacy dainties? It can be done ladies, just be careful not to tuck them in your coat on the way to check out for fear you might get stopped by a security guard! Also, leave the children at home and wash your dainties secretly, I mean separately. ;-) Just a little FYI.

This concludes our lesson on Flirting 101. If you have any questions or suggestions of your own, please feel free to leave a comment or email me personally (You can e-mail inquiry@titus2atthewell.com and it will be forwarded to me). Please don’t throw any tomatoes, I am just sharing my heart here. I am fully aware that we all come from different backgrounds, have unique marriages, and different levels of convictions. Trust God, your heart, and your husband’s wishes, not mine.

This was also not meant to put one more ‘burden’ on your already full plate, just a way to encourage some ‘fun.’ I personally find it is much easier to ‘be in the mood’ more often when my mind is there, and flirting is one way to put it there. Blessings and love!

This is a slightly older picture of us, but I think it best expresses the love we have. After more than twenty-one years of marriage, our love only grows stronger. All praise and glory to God!

Michelle
You may visit me at my blog She Looketh Well
(Encouraging women to ‘look well’ to the ways of their household)

She Looketh Well . . . Blog

About The Author

Michelle G has written 15 articles on this blog.

Michelle is married to her best friend! They do everything together and share everything. They are so blessed in their marriage, purely by the grace of God, and feel their marriage to be a bit of heaven on earth. They have fifteen children, nine here on earth, and six at the feet of Jesus, whom they look forward to meeting one day. Michelle loves to share her heart through writing and has a passion to encourage other women in the heart of Titus 2. Please feel free to visit her at She Looketh Well



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21 Responses to Flirting 101
  1. Patty Wysong
    February 18, 2010 | 5:51 am

    Yes!! Excellent post and ideas and all are VERY doable!! (LoL–experience!) So many time the little things like this help with the big things. =]

  2. Stephanie
    February 18, 2010 | 6:04 am

    How fun! I couldn't help giggling a little as I thought of what my sweet husband's reactions might be to some of your suggestions, haha. Thanks for the reminders that though our society implies otherwise, it's okay for married people to act in love too! ;)

  3. Amy Matthews
    February 18, 2010 | 6:05 am

    I didn't think there would be many women willing to comment on this one. I mean who wants anyone to know about their marriage bed right? Well I am often too bold so here it goes :)

    I am thankful for this post. I think that many times women tackle this subject and its inapproriate but this is a good reminder and hits right on. At least in my marriage it does. After training four children four and under all day it is often hard to slip into "cute, playful wife mode" at least it is for me!

    My hubby loves the flirting, I am just no good at it. We have been married for 6 1/2 years so we have a long way to go. That shower you spoke of is still a little uncomfortable for me, especially in light of having those four babies, oh how a body changes! I am working on it though! The flirting, the comortableness, and the body too (diet & excersice I mean).

    I did buy a pink lacie nightgown recently with kids in tow. My three year old girl thought it was just gorgeous. I did my best to hide it from my almost five year old boy. He would have noticed the transparency of it, I can only imagine the comments that he could come up with!

    Anyway, thanks for this post. I needed it.

  4. Amber Stoneburner
    February 18, 2010 | 6:30 am

    Thanks for sharing! Such a great reminder, and I'm sure we could all use a good (mental) kick in the pants to be more flirty with our hubbys. I know I could.
    Also, I totally love the picture of you and your man! You both look amazing! After 21 years, I hope we look just as good~That's not coveting is it? :D

  5. The Girl in the Pink Dress
    February 18, 2010 | 6:37 am

    You two sound like such a cute couple! *smile*
    These are great ideas. My problem is, is when DH says I have that "look" I have no idea what I'm doing. I'll figure it out sometime! Cute post today- loved it!
    The Girl in the Pink Dress

  6. Stacie, A Firefighter's Wife
    February 18, 2010 | 6:48 am

    A wonderful reminder as usual! I need to flirt more with my man. I have to remember I was a wife first and then a mother. Sometimes I forget!

  7. Michelle (She Looketh Well)
    February 18, 2010 | 6:49 am

    Thanks to all of you Ladies for your comments!!

    Amy,thanks for jumping in! I know how hard it is to slip into the 'cute playful wife' mode! Trust me! I think we all know. You know this was not meant to put more on you right? I think you do, just want to encourage you it is okay to be exhausted! The 'shower' thing took many years of healing past hurts and accepting myself and realizing this crazy man loves me whether I weigh 200 lbs. or 145! Be patient with yourself, I believe it will come. Good for you with the pink nightgown! LOL

  8. Emily
    February 18, 2010 | 7:18 am

    I really enjoyed this post and needed the reminder! :) Funny how we forget these things in the busyness of life.

  9. Deb
    February 18, 2010 | 9:26 am

    Michelle, this is a wonderful post!! My DH and I love to flirt as well and with our kids being teenagers, we get a lot of eye rolls, but in those moments when the kids are talking to us about their future spouses…they admit they want a marriage "like Mom and Dad have". What a blessing!
    Love you!
    Deb

  10. Melissa
    February 18, 2010 | 12:05 pm

    Loved this post! My husband and I have been married for four years and he just told me the other day that he misses the flirting.

  11. Jenn @ A Country Girl's Ramblings
    February 18, 2010 | 12:32 pm

    Great post! I'm off to go find my man to do some flirting! :)

  12. lori
    February 18, 2010 | 12:36 pm

    Michelle!! YOU go girl! This was wonderful!! What a reminder! We just concluded a sermon series at church entitled, "Trading Spouses…." It wasn't about trading in your spouse, but rather "becoming the spouse your spouse needs you to be…" He addressed men and women both and this just fabulously flows right in line with it all!! I'm following the rest of the group…off to flirt with my man, who happens to be working from home today:)

    Thanks for stepping out where few women "dare" to go! WELL DONE!

    peace,
    lori

  13. Michelle (She Looketh Well)
    February 18, 2010 | 1:47 pm

    Wow, what wonderful responses, emails included! I think husbands everywhere should buy me flowers or something, with all you ladies running off to flirt! Tell him I said, 'you're welcome' LOL

    You ladies are so awesome, isn't God so good?!

  14. Jami Balmet
    February 18, 2010 | 1:54 pm

    This is great!!!!! Thank you!!!

    No matter how long you have been married, doing little things like this will keep the love alive!!

    Thanks for these *ideas*!!

    Have a great day! :D

    -jami @Intentionally Living…

  15. Crystal in Alaska
    February 18, 2010 | 2:16 pm

    Great post! My hubby and I have a TON of flirty looks and private words….drives the children crazy! As the kids get older though they catch on to our private words and we have to think of new ones! The children say we act like giddy teenagers! What a compliment after 24 years (and many pounds!) together!

  16. J
    February 18, 2010 | 3:20 pm

    LOVE this post! Thank you for sharing. So refreshing! You always point me to the cross.

  17. Marmee's Pantry
    February 19, 2010 | 12:44 pm

    AMEN! You go, girl! lol We celebrated our 25th anniversary last October…& in 1 of the hardest years of our marriage. My precious husband was laid off in April & in October he took a temp job for 1/4 of what he was making before. Needless-to-say, the incredible plans we had for our big 25th anniversary (or ANYTHING else, for that matter) died. But…we have EACH OTHER & that is really all we need. Yes, a weekend away would have been the cherry on top, but that may come again in a few years.

    Our girls are now 22 & almost 19 & we have embarrassed them many times over the years getting 'caught' in a passionate kiss in the kitchen…I just hope they marry someone who masters & appreciates 'Flirting 101' as much as their daddy & me.

    Blessings from Ohio…Kim<><

  18. Blessed Among Women
    February 20, 2010 | 1:08 pm

    I loved this post!!! So many Christian women shy away from helping with this,but I think it is something you can address tactfully as you did. We flirt a lot and we love it! :) We have taken showers together before too! I used to always wear "pretty panties and bras",but no one saw them but me since I wasn't married until 2006. So now, yes, I still buy them and love it! He does too! We've only been married 3 years,but I can already see our passion and love growing. Somehow sharing precious children together makes the bond stronger. :) Thank you!

  19. Jenn @ Beautiful Calling
    February 21, 2010 | 5:15 pm

    Michelle – “husbands everywhere should buy you flowers” LOL. We should too as we will all reap the rewards that come from a closer intimacy with our husbands!

    Your advice was timely and came as a gentle reminder from a friend. Thank you! I wear that nursing bra though I am just finishing up nursing. I tend to think practical when it comes to underthings and I’m sure that my husband would appreciate a little less practicality (at least in this area LOL).

    Blessings to you!

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