Without attempting to make light of serious problems within a marriage, my limited observations through life indicate that the lack of courtesy in a home has huge implications for marital distress.
But maybe courtesy isn’t so light; is not courtesy simply the outworking of the greatest commandment?
“Love the Lord with all that your are..and love your neighbor as yourself.”
“As myself.” Convicting.
How ’bout this one…
“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory, but in lowliness of mind, let each esteem others better than himself.”
If the Bible only consisted of these two verses, and we actually obeyed them and sought this kind of love for one another, alas, what a different place it would be!
When I was a little girl, we would visit some relatives (whose identity I will leave veiled for their honor). They fought more than any two people I have ever seen or heard of (both confessing Christians). If you talked to her, she was the victim of an abusive, cold-hearted, angry man. If you talked to him, he was the victim of an abusive, cold-hearted, angry woman.
And I’m sure it was more complicated than I knew. But they had formed such a habit of rudeness and hostility, that literally, one could say “I’m going to the store” (always with a sneer) and the other would retort sarcastically, “You would.”
I always wondered what it would be like if one of them gave in, softened, and began to demonstrate unselfish love to the other. Even just a smile. Love that expects nothing in return. Surely that kind of love couldn’t be left un-reciprocated!
Courtesy. Warmth. Kindness. You know, the attitude we have toward the complete stranger in front of us at the grocery store, where we even try to hide any irritation we’re feeling.
Courtesy is no little thing. Smiling and speaking kindly can change – does change – the entire atmosphere of the home, and dare I say the marriage itself.
From what I’ve observed, often once the bitterness between a husband and wife has set in, both feel equally justified for their snide remarks or cold responses. “When he treats me like___I might be nice.”
A little dying on our part–both our parts–would go a long way toward bringing life and vitality to our marriages.
Lest you think I’m speaking to someone beyond myself, think again. I battle with a sarcastic tongue and a critical spirit. I’m just being honest. It is one of the things that brings me begging, with tears, to the Lord more than anything else. Dying to self is not my forte, and I hate that about me. My husband, however, is a marvel at it.
I can’t change anyone but me. Let’s start there.
Kelly is a wife and homeschooling mom to seven children (with another on the way). Kelly and her husband are entrepreneurs and love to encourage other families to work together. Their journey has been one of faith, sometimes fear, but a glorious walk they wouldn’t trade for the world. You can visit Kelly at her blog,
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What are some things we can do TODAY to show our husbands and children more courtesy.
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So true! These things could totally CHANGE the entire world!
This is one thing that I’m not so great at–but my husband is amazing at! He is always quietly seeking new ways to help me, whether it’s opening car doors and pulling out chairs or washing the dishes for me after I’ve pre-maturely fallen asleep on the couch. I am constantly amazed by the energy he has to help others, because his courtesy does not stop with me! I am so blessed to have him as my husband, and I strive every day to let him lead me in this way.