Recently my husband and I were having a discussion concerning the purchase of a Hoosier Cabinet that belonged to my grandparents. Our conversation was going reasonable well until he asked me, “Can I tell you what I think without you getting angry with me?”
“Of course!” I replied.
But, as he began to talk I felt a surge of agitation rise within me. He wasn’t saying what I wanted to hear. He wasn’t helping me make my decision, he was making it harder to make a decision. Or so I thought at the moment. As he continued to ask questions and make statements, my mind was reeling with resentment. I was thinking unkind things and relaying my answers to him in a short manner.
My thoughts were angry!
I was controlling my words (barely), but not my thoughts or my body language. I let all the irritation I was feeling take control. My mind rolled with seething thoughts and comments. I really wanted to let loose on him!
But I let it boil inside me instead.
I woke up the next morning still irritated and angry, but as I thought over our conversation I became convicted. My attitude, my thoughts, were wrong. They were uncalled for and selfish. I had let myself become annoyed by my husband’s innocent, thoughtful and common sense questions. I let annoyance have reign in my thoughts. What I should have done was capture those angry thoughts and gave them a good shove out my mind’s back door.
May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14 (NLT)
As the years have gone by, I have gotten better at guarding my lips. I don’t blurt out every thought that comes to my mind, however, I still need so much work at capturing my thoughts and making sure they are pleasing to the Lord. Often I let simple things that my husband does irritate me, instead of letting go of it, I think about it over and over again until I am really unhappy.
Why? There is no good sense in this!
That day I renewed my commitment to God, my husband and myself to turn those ugly thoughts over to the Lord. I didn’t want them festering in my mind and soul, doing damage to my marriage.
And now, dear brothers and sisters, let me say one more thing as I close this letter. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Philippians 4:8 (NLT)
How about you? Are you willing to capture your thoughts? When your husband annoys or irritates you are you willing to respond with your words and thoughts in a positive, God-glorifying manner? Will you make a commitment with me to think on things that are excellent and worthy?
Let’s do away with irritation and in its place focus on the wonderful, gift the Lord has given us…our husbands.
Oh, Jenn. This is such a timely post. My husband came home from work not feeling well today, and he’s been so, so crabby. I know he’s sick, but there’s just no reason for him to take that tone with me. Ya know? And more than once this evening, I let him know it.
I need to be better about capturing my thoughts and keeping them to myself. I will commit with you to try harder, and to weigh my words before I speak them.
Chrissy,
It can be so hard to hold our tongues when we feel we are being slighted or miss used, can’t it? But, we have the perfect example to look up to. Christ. I know I have so much work to do in this area and I am glad to see other ladies acknowledging the need also!
Yeah. What is it about the following morning that I(you said this, too)will wake up with the same feelings… right there, glaring ugly?
Then comes the conviction. And there in lies the choice. To React or Respond.
Or, to simply take to heart Phil.4:8
****
This was (once again) such a good post. Thank you for your insight, humility and godly example.
Bevy,
You are so right we need to be slow to react. If I would only stop and take a deep breath or remove myself for a few minutes I know I would cool down enough to respond appropriately. Plus, I know that I would be able to capture those ugly thoughts more easily and stop the whole ugly process.
Thanks for your comment you always lift me up with your thoughts and words!
So true, waking to find the same emotions when lying down our head for the evening. Which is why His Word tells us to not go to bed angry, but unfortunately we feel sometimes we have to if the other person will not allow us to “finish” with the issue. But, I’m learning to finish it with God (another HARD thing to do) – leaving each word, thought, all of it with Him to handle the situation. Praying for me to love as God wants me to love, hoping to not have to deal with the silent treatment tomorrow, and asking for me to see my dear hubby as He sees him.
Hugs… Thanks… sending to you both for your honesty & sharing!
Thank you, Jenn, for the challenge. I, too, am committing with you to guard my thoughts against the man God has blessed me with. We also need to guard ourselves from talking to ourselves…if you know what I mean.
Blessings to you,
Carol
Carol,
Do you mean by talking to ourselves, that we should be careful not to stew over and over about the situation? If so, I agree. It can only make us angry and resentful. It is so important to forgive, capture those angry thoughts, and shove them out the door.
This is something we were talking about in our small group this past Sunday evening. It is something that I have been convicted over and over again. I totally agree that is the right thing to do to try and stay positive in our thoughts, words and actions towards our husbands. Thank you so much for your post.
Awesome timing! God is wonderful to surround us with reminders and assistance to get us where He wants us. Thankful that He has not left me where I was! Taking control of our thoughts is hard, but with Him all things are possible!
I commit to continue to work in this area with you & ask for prayers in doing so.
Hugs & Prayers, HL
Forgot to add…
Praying for me to be able to see my hubby as God sees him; and for you all as well.
Heather,
This is absolutely true! With Him all things are possible. We don’t have to struggle with this on our own. We need to go to the Lord with it. Thanks for you input! It is much appreciated.
Oh Jenn,
Talk about conviction. I know that I know that I know this is TRUTH, and I preach it everyday to women. Putting it in to practice daily on the other hand – well, uh, I’m a work in progress!
This is probably the area that I struggle with the most. Taking every thought captive – that is work – but SO needed in my life… in my marriage.
Thank you for this Jenn. As always, your words bless me. Thank you for being a vessel for HIM. Thank you for allowing HIM to use you here At The Well!
Chelsey,
But, God in His awesome GRACE picks me up and carries me. I only need to allow HIM.
Thank you so much for these words of encouragement. Sometimes I feel like I’m baring to much of who I am and the struggles I am facing. I’m hoping people don’t read my posts and view me as a hopeless mess. But, honestly, I guess that is what I am without Jesus. He is my rock and my greatest teacher.
My goal is just to share what I am learning in a honest way. I struggle that is for sure!
Aren’t we all hopeless messes with Jesus. Amen sister!
I’m glad you let the transparent you shine through. THIS is how we glean and learn from one another. This is what Titus 2 is all about!
Jenn, Several years ago, I had the awful problem of thinking negatively about my hubby. Why doesn’t he do this…I wish he’d stop doing that. On and on, ad nauseum! I was a negative mess…mostly in my thoughts. One day, the Lord pulled me up short and showed me what I was doing. He taught me to replace every negative thought with a praise, like “Thank You, Lord, my husband is not an alcoholic,” “Thank You that he doesn’t run around with other women,” “Thank You that I have a loving husband to pick up after,” and so on.
It changed my life. We just celebrated our 44th wedding anniversary and each year gets sweeter than the one before. I have also learned to praise the Lord in everything. Praise has clobbered those negative mountains!
Thanks for this great post. Blessings to you!
Oh Lynn! This brought tears to my eyes, because it is such a great reminder to me. I can get caught in the whole grumbling game and forget to look at all the positives that my husband exudes. These men of ours really are blessings! God given blessings!
Ooh, this is a hard one! Psalm 141:3 is another good verse to meditate on. Ask me how I know?
Hey sis! I had to look this one up. GREAT verse. It definitely applies to what we are talking about. I’m writing this one down in my memory verse book!
I know we have talked about this before and we both struggle at times with our hubbies and guarding our thoughts and lips. We’ll work on it together M’kay!
[...] Capture My Thoughts – This is a great post about taking our thoughts captive when our husbands irritate or annoy us. [...]