Sometimes, I feel as though I have mommy-ADHD.
More often than not, I don’t get the satisfaction of starting a project and carrying it out to completion without being interrupted. Instead, I spend much of my day using “little minutes”…putting out little fires…attempting to keep the various balls I’m juggling from crashing to the ground.
I change diapers, wipe noses, and kiss owies.
I break up fights, tame tantrums and administer discipline. I teach that “do unto others” does not mean that when your little brother hits you, you ought to hit him back.
There are groceries to shop, meals to prepare, dishes to wash, and piles and piles of laundry.
I assign copywork, correct math problems, listen to memory verses and answer questions about the difference between the “near east” and the “far east”.
Yes, I’m pretty busy for a girl who spends most of her time at home.
Surrounded by the din of this semi-organized chaos–if I’m not careful–someone very important get’s forgotten…mostly, because he’s not home…
You guessed it…
My husband.
It’s not that I don’t love him, or see his needs as important, or anything like that. It’s just that I’m…well…easily distracted.
And regularly interrupted…
And forever multi-tasking.
And yet, my primary calling in this home is to be his helpmeet”
“An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:10-12 (ESV)
I want to be excellent to him. I want him to be able to trust me. I want to do him good, and not harm, all the days of my life.
How do I make this goal a reality when I’m already overwhelmed by the constant demands on my attention?
Well, first off, I need to repent of my self-centered attitude. Whenever I have a moment to take a breath, my thought is (more than likely) “What do I want/need to do next?” Me, me, me…even as I go about the tasks involved in caring for my family, I am still so selfish.
Then, I need a change in focus. Yes, my children are important–to my husband, too!–however, if I don’t consciously prioritize my husband’s needs, they are apt to be forgotten until the moment he says,
“Honey, did you remember to…?”
Only for me to reply, rather sheepishly, “I’m sorry, I didn’t.”
And so, I’ve come up with a list:
-Is his bed made?
-Are his clothes clean? (socks, jeans, etc.) What about towels?
-Will super be ready when he walks in the door? (Do you know what is for supper?)
-Have you been to the mailbox today?
-Are the bills paid? Do you know how much is in the checking account?
-Are the floors swept and vacuumed?
-Is everything ready and available for his lunch tomorrow? (including coffee and baked goodies?)
-Have I prayed for him today?
Perhaps some items on this list make sense to you. Maybe others don’t. But they are things that matter to my husband, (even if he’d never complain) so they deserve my front-of-mind attention, no matter how busy (or exhausted) I think I am.
As much as I am the queen of the mental “to-do” list, I am recognizing that, with four little people pulling me in various directions, I need visual reminders. Therefore, this list is going to be printed on a bright pink piece of card stock, and stuck to the wall next to my changing table.
Do you have a list like this? What’s on it? If you’re not sure what should be on it, think about the “little things” (or, big things) that annoy him when they aren’t done. Better yet, ask him what should be on it.
I have been pleased to discover that, on the days that I hit all his “high points”, I have a much happier hubby.
And that makes me a very happy wife.
By: Tiana Krenz
**I wrote this post almost exactly a year ago for my personal blog. The aforementioned bright pink piece of card stock has since moved to my home management binder…which is great as long as I’m using it. I will say that while I still struggle in these areas at times, having written them down has helped to make a great improvement!**
Love this, thanks for sharing – a great reminder. Love the list too, am printing to have nearby
Good thoughts. Thank you.