A Mom and Her Boys

Today I am answering this question:

Half of my 6 children are boys, so I figured I’m fairly qualified to answer this. I say “fairly” because let’s face it ladies…we’re women, they are young men…they will always be somewhat of an enigma to us! But just because we don’t always “get” how cool a dead snake or spent shotgun shells really are is no reason not to connect with our boys and nurture a relationship with them that will last a lifetime.

Here are just a few key ingredients I see in maintaining a relationship with your sons:

*They are different. It’s okay. Just because you don’t see the merit in jumping out of trees or running headlong as fast as you can into walls doesn’t mean the crazy stuff they do is deserving of you griping at them all day long. Boys do things because they want to push the envelope, they want to see how far their God-given bodies can go, they want to conquer something, anything…even trees and walls. The key here is to channel that energy. Which brings me to my next point.

*Channel the energy. Take their differences that are sometimes expressed in inappropriate ways and give them outlets that are more appropriate. To simply tell them, “Don’t do that,” isn’t good enough for boys. They’ll just move on to the next inappropriate activity. Take what isn’t working for your household and turn it into something useful and then praise the tar out of them! For instance, I have a son who really likes to dig big muddy holes in the yard. That is not okay, unless he digs in the garden where I need the ground tilled up anyway. More than once I’ve used a suggestion from a prominent Christian speaker on moving the woodpile from one spot to another to expend energy in a good and useful way (even if I didn’t need the woodpile moved!)

*Not all boys are rowdy. That’s okay too. I know there are a few of you looking at my first two points and thinking, “I wish my boys WOULD act like that, but they don’t and I’m worried.” Perhaps you have an academic or a chef or a musician living in your home. Perhaps he’s never been the wild and crazy climb-the-walls type. Don’t worry about him. Let him be him. There is still something quite manly about conquering a certain recipe and adding his own flair to it, especially if it involves fire! With the more sensitive boys, your job might be more centered around encouraging them to push the limits of their passion, test new ways of doing things, and reach beyond the known limits, all the while cheering them along in their accomplishments!

*There will come a day when they will try to dominate you. Be ready and understanding. I am forever grateful to an older mom who told me of her own struggles with her son long before I had a son old enough to try dominating me. I was ready when the day came. It started with a look of disdain, then moved to a sassy comment meant to put me in my place. I saw it for what it was and was able to reroute what my son was feeling.

There comes a time when boys grow into men and they know within them they are supposed to be in charge. They decide mom falls in the category of those that must be ruled and they set out to be older and more knowledgeable than mom. When you see this domination rearing its not so pleasant head, recognize it for what it is and begin to offer your son more responsibilities as long as he remains respectful toward you and his sisters. He is training to be the head of his household and must be given chances to practice what that looks like while learning how to remain kind and generous. Don’t force him to stay a little boy. That is unfair and unkind.

*At the end of the day, he’s still your little boy. I know I just said not to force him to remain a little boy, but he will always be your son and there will always be a part of him that still wants to be loved just because he is yours. He still needs a hug. He still needs to hear you love him. He still needs to know that he is safe here at home no matter what peak he summitted or ocean he swam during the day. He needs to know you think he is cool and funny and smart. He needs to trust that all his adventures are of genuine interest to you. Love him for who God made him to be. Love him because God entrusted him to you.

Visit Amy and her boys (and her girls too!) at Raising Arrows.

Do you have a question that you would like to see answered by one of our writers? Please send questions to atthewell@titus2atthewell.com . We will not use any names in our actual posts. If you wish to leave an anonymous question, you can do so in the comment section below.

About The Author

Amy has written 14 articles on this blog.

Amy is the homeschooling mother of soon-to-be 6 living children and a precious little girl named Emily in Heaven. You can find Amy blogging about the joy and grief of raising these wonderful little arrows at Raising Arrows.

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