A Deeper Kind of Love

Today, on the day you are reading this, I am forty years old. My mind is having a hard time wrapping around that. My husband hit forty a few years ago, and now it’s my turn. It’s strange to write something, and know that it will be published on my fortieth birthday.

Turning forty, as I am, I find myself doing all sorts of self-reflection, pondering over the years, and so forth, which seems to happen on these milestone birthdays. I look in the mirror, and see gray hair. I had my first joint replacement this year (my shoulder), and I had three different doctors use the “women your age” phrase when talking to me during appointments this year.

So, as forty speeds towards me, I’ve been thinking back on different parts of my life, particularly on perceptions I once had and the realities I’ve come to know.

As we grow older, things happen to our bodies (especially if we have been blessed with a few, or more than a few, pregnancies). I used to fret, coming from a broken home, about how a woman is supposed to keep the attentions of her man if it’s destiny for all women to eventually stop looking like the 23 year old bride they once were, and start looking like somebody’s grandma. All over the place, we hear that men are more visually orientated, and barring some super athleticism or plastic surgery, a 40 year old mother of five isn’t going to stand a chance of competing with a 20 year old in the looks category.

But then, as the years go on in a marriage (we are almost to the 18 year mark), I’ve realized that a different kind of beauty, and a different kind of filter, is used as two people grow older together. Sure, we still need to do our best to take care of ourselves, and stay in reasonably good shape for our guys, but there is a beauty that transcends all of that.

There’s the beauty that comes with really knowing one another. As we walk out this life of faith together, we’ve gone through many amazing situations together, situations that God brought us through, and situations where we learned and grew as people and as a couple. He’s seen me at my worst, and at my best, and in the same way I’ve seen him at his worst and at his best too.

We’ve studied each other, learning how to encourage one another, learning each other’s moods and when “I’m ok” really meant, “I need a hug, baby!”

There’s that old saying about familiarity breeding contempt, and that’s only true if you let it. We can fall into the trap of taking those closest to us for granted, or we can pause every day to be thankful for what they are in our lives, and for their love and their quirks.

Serene and Pearl (daughters of Nancy Campbell of Above Rubies Magazine) have a song on their album of Marriage themed love songs (This is Our Road), called “Deeper,” in which they declare “I’ve fallen/But Now I’ve fallen Deeper,” speaking of their love for their husbands. The longer I’m married, the more I can relate to that sentiment.

When you first fall in love, it’s often fireworks and doodling little hearts on your notebook, and practicing writing your name with his last name, and thinking about him every idle moment in your day. A few years later, the reality of the day to day settles in and a new kind of love takes over…the kind of love that comes from raising a family together.

A deeper kind of love.

About The Author

Kimberly Eddy has written 19 articles on this blog.

Hardly the drudgery she originally feared it would be, Kimberly Eddy’s life at home has been one big adventure in mothering, wifeliness, and walking with the Lord. Kimberly has been Martin’s wife since 1992, and a joyful momma since 1993. She and Martin have five children ages 10-16, and have home schooled their children from birth. Kimberly’s love for art and writing has bore fruit with a daily blog, a nature journalling blog with her daughters, several books and ebooks, as well as articles published in various magazines.

• Blog