Q & A Day - Modesty
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Leave a Comment
Monday, for our Gathering at The Well topic, we looked a little bit into how we dress. Today we are going to answer a question sent in by one of our readers on this topic:
I was wondering how you view the Bible's take on modesty? I was raised very conservative and still dress alot differently than the world, but it seems like so many Christian women don't think that's important anymore. Alot of people I know say it's just a difference of opinion or a personal standard, but that doesn't make much sense to me really. And I also struggle with knowing that it makes it more difficult for my husband when women in the church are dressed indecently. It's bad enough that there's so much temptation out there anyway but it seems like the men should get a break from that when they're around fellow Christians. And unfortunately it's not just the younger ones either, but alot of the older women that dress badly...ones that could be setting a better example. I've enjoyed reading all the posts on different topics and would love to hear someone else's thoughts on this subject, according to what you think is right by the Bible and what the Lord would be pleased with us doing. I want to be someone who not only sets an example by my actions in this area, but also someone whose able to give a reason for why it's the right thing to do when questioned.
Two of our well writers have responded to this question. Please feel free to leave your own thoughts and comments below - we'd love to hear from you!
Response 1
I think you have two questions here: What is the Biblical standard for modesty? and Why don't as many Christian women today adhere to it or see it important? I'm going to answer the second question first.
Why do so few Christian women, even older ones, view modesty as important? My guess is going to be that many of them are ignorant of it. This may seem hard to believe if you were raised in a conservative family, with a mom that taught you these things. When I got saved 19 years ago, I had no idea. I probably would still be walking around "like that" had I not read a very well written tract by Melody Green on the topic , which convicted me, and spurred me on to a more in depth Bible study on the topic. In my mind, you were supposed to "dress up" for church, and my only dressy clothes were the same ones I used to wear out to parties and night clubs before I got saved. I cringe to think of it now, but I honestly wanted to "look my best" for Jesus with no concept that the Bible addresses modesty. My mother taught me from a young age, "If you've got it, flaunt it." So, my guess would be that many of them do so out of ignorance.
The other fact may be that many women dress as they do to please their husbands. I have known many good Christian ladies whose husbands do not want their wives dressing too differently, or too conservatively. My own husband prefers me to be modest, but he also likes me to dress somewhat stylish and he has banned denim jumpers from my wardrobe, as they are not his preference. On more than a few occasions, while out shopping with my husband, he has suggested a dress, skirt, or outfit that he said looked great on me. Like Melody Green in her tract, I have found asking a simple question to my husband usually solved the dilemma: "Yes, darling but why do you like this on me?" Usually the outfit goes back on the rack after that question.
What is Biblical modesty? The Bible doesn't give us any specific rules about how to dress, but it does give us many principles to follow.
1. Modesty means "appropriate". Literally, the Greek word in 1 Timothy 2:9 means "orderly or of good behavior".
2. Modesty means no cross dressing. A woman should look like a woman, and a man should look like a man. There should be some distinction in the genders. (Deuteronomy 22:5, 1 Corinthians 11:1-16)
3. Modesty means not uncovering your nakedness, as we see throughout the Old Testament law.
4. Wives are to please their husbands, so my clothing should meet with his approval. I need to balance not being a stumbling block for other men, while still being attractive to my husband, and for this I need his help.
Based on these principles, my husband helped me to formulate the following guidelines, which I use when I am choosing clothing for myself or my children. Working with your own husband, these principles may be applied a little differently for your home, but this is what works for ours:
1. Is this outfit too revealing, through tightness, being low cut, or high hemline? When looking at me in this outfit, where does the eye naturally go? Some otherwise modest dresses (long, with a high neckline) still draw attention to all the wrong body parts through it's design. Also, different women, with different body types, can look either modest or immodest in the exact same dress, all because of how their own body is shaped.
2. Is this outfit feminine, or is it emphasizing the current gender-bender, androgynous styles of today? I do not believe this is limited to the "dresses only" argument. I have seen many young ladies who are wearing skirts but who are at the same time carrying themselves and putting their outfit together in a very androgynous way. For example, I recently saw a young lady in a long skirt, combat boots, and an army jacket. On the other hand, you can look feminine even if you are wearing a pair of modestly cut blue jeans and a top to work in the garden.
3. Is it appropriate for what I am doing? My husband is very insistent that his wife and daughters dress in clothing appropriate for the task at hand. He has made it his personal rule that he doesn't want the girls riding bikes in skirts (after one of them was injured when her skirt got caught in the chain) and he doesn't want me doing yard-work in a dress either, as he feels this is very immodest. I confess, I've had a hard time submitting to that, but the Lord has brought me to a place of peace.
4. Why am I choosing to wear this? Who am I trying to impress? Am I dressing with God's glory and my husband's tastes in mind, or something else? I always try to check my attitude when picking out my outfit. I want to be dressing with my dear husband in mind, and no other person.
Response 2
Modesty is one of those Jell-O concepts. You try to pick it up, and it squishes fiendishly out between your fingers. 1 Timothy 2:9 commands women to dress modestly, but what does that actually mean when we're getting dressed in the morning? How many inches long do our skirts really have to be? Some people have a hunch that there's a cultural element in there somewhere. After all, in the Victorian era it was scandalous to let your ankles show, which makes the average Amish woman scandalous by Victorian standards. And then there's our "freedom in Christ." Modesty rules so often smack of legalism that a lot of people would like to throw them out completely. But then there's that pesky 1 Timothy 2:9 again, commanding us to dress modestly.
What to do? What to do?
I believe the answer is: Be loving.
Women's bodies were designed to excite and delight men. It's pretty simple biology: woman shows her body off, man notices it's getting a little warm in here. But here's the thing we all need to remember: God made women that way to bless our marriages, not to give men a constant buffet of lust-provoking eye candy.
Now for the love part. If the way I'm dressing is causing a man to take his eyes and mind off of his wife and put them on me, then I'm not being loving. Actually, I'm being selfish. I'm putting my own desire to be stylish, or to get attention, or to show off my cute figure above my brother's purity or my sister's marriage.
And it's true that exactly where the line is will vary by culture, but since I'm a part of my culture, I really don't have an excuse. I know what's sexy in my sphere, and if I'm going to be loving, I had better save it for my husband alone and not flaunt it on the streets, or in the pew, or at my neighbor's open house.
So when I'm getting dressed in the morning, I need to check my modesty level with my mirror, not my tape measure. It's not really important how many inches my skirt is. What matters is whether my total package is "shamefacedness and sobriety" (1 Timothy 2:9) or "steamy little sex toy". Guidelines may change, but our motivation should not. In our dress as well as in everything else, as Christian women, we should be ruled by love.
What to do? What to do?
I believe the answer is: Be loving.
"For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself" (Galatians 5:13-14).
Women's bodies were designed to excite and delight men. It's pretty simple biology: woman shows her body off, man notices it's getting a little warm in here. But here's the thing we all need to remember: God made women that way to bless our marriages, not to give men a constant buffet of lust-provoking eye candy.Now for the love part. If the way I'm dressing is causing a man to take his eyes and mind off of his wife and put them on me, then I'm not being loving. Actually, I'm being selfish. I'm putting my own desire to be stylish, or to get attention, or to show off my cute figure above my brother's purity or my sister's marriage.
And it's true that exactly where the line is will vary by culture, but since I'm a part of my culture, I really don't have an excuse. I know what's sexy in my sphere, and if I'm going to be loving, I had better save it for my husband alone and not flaunt it on the streets, or in the pew, or at my neighbor's open house.
So when I'm getting dressed in the morning, I need to check my modesty level with my mirror, not my tape measure. It's not really important how many inches my skirt is. What matters is whether my total package is "shamefacedness and sobriety" (1 Timothy 2:9) or "steamy little sex toy". Guidelines may change, but our motivation should not. In our dress as well as in everything else, as Christian women, we should be ruled by love.
Response 3
Mrs. Brown from Ketocton Bapists has written a great article that we wanted to share as well.
I still remember when I first started thinking seriously about modest clothing.
As I confronted the issue of modesty a question pertinent to all women was raised. Am I dressing in a way that gives glory to God and honor to my husband or is my way of dress offensive to God and dishonoring to my husband? The more I became acquainted with biblical standards for modesty the more I realized that the later was true. I desired to glorify God in this area of my life and began to search the Scriptures to discover how I might bring this issue under the authority of Christ. Here are some things I have learned to consider with regard to how I dress:
1. God Hates Nakedness
An individual may ask why does God hate nakedness so much considering the fact that in the beginning Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed?( Genesis 2:25). The answer is that when Adam and Eve sinned against God, shame and disgrace also followed. Their bodily nakedness was a reflection of their spiritual nakedness and disgrace. They tried to cover themselves with aprons made of fig leaves which wilt away and were not permanent, but their attempt at covering their own nakedness was not good enough for God. God made coats of skins which required a sacrifice and the shedding of blood for the proper covering of their nakedness. This physical encounter with God was a reflection of the spiritual implications of sin. In the same manner fallen man attempts to cover his sins in a number of ways by either self atonement or escape from guilt, but that is not sufficient to save ourselves from hell. It is only by the the sacrifice and the shedding of blood provided by God on Calvary that the nakedness of our souls can be covered. God hates nakedness because it reflects our sinful condition. The flaunting of nakedness reflects a disregard for redemption. It is an attempt to remove the shame of nakedness without the removing the shame of sin.
In an important work"Christian Modesty and the Public Undressing of America", Jeff Pollard points out, "Though we have no 'snapshots' of Adam and Eve's apparel, the word coats is consistently used throughout the Old Testament to mean a tunic-like garment. Coats in Gen 3:21 is kuttonet from an unused root meaning to cover. The kuttonet was the ordinary garment worn by man and woman as seen in the tunics of skin worn by Adam and Eve. This shirt like garment usually had long sleeves, and extended down to the ankles when worn as a dress coat........The important thing to remember is that this was God's design for covering Adam and Eve's nakedness and shame. In other words, God did not give a fur bikini to represent our righteousness and salvation."
2. Who is Lord?
As in every area of our lives we have to asks ourselves to whom are we to render our obedience. Scripture answers, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God". We have to reject the modern evolutionary mentality that culture is evolving and that even as Christians we must evolve with it. Man is not to be defined by the culture, instead the Christan, should be defined by Christ the Lord over culture, and should be the salt and light which leads culture to glorify God.
3. The Display of Femininity:
Perhaps, no other passage better reveals that God intended men and woman to be distinct from one another in the apparel they wear and the manner in which they conduct themselves than Deut. 22:5: "The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God". Of course, the intent of the verse extends beyond the way we are to dress, but also reflects deeper that clothing is to be functional and reflect the different roles given to men and women by God. When a woman dresses like a man it reflects one of the modern lies of feminism and her disdain for the distinction God has placed between her and man. A woman who wears masculine clothing reveals a disregard for biblical femininity and a desire to become the male equivalent. This is one of the major failures of modern feminism, that in an attempt to elevate women, it only accomplishes the destruction of womanhood. Equality with man for the feminist means erasing any distinctions in role and function.Consequently, true womanhood is abolished for what she perceives to be a higher calling and a superiority that all women should strive to achieve. The chief end for a woman is not to be like a man, but rather to distinguish herself in the manner God has intended. I do not want to fill a mans role, but rather to glorify God in the role in which He has placed me. A woman is not called to advance some feminist kingdom, but she is called to advance the Kingdom of God as a help meet to her husband or father. Therefore, when a woman strives toward biblical femininity and modesty in the way she dresses, she does so as an act of embracing what God made her: a woman, taken from man, to aide him in the dominion mandate. It may sound simple enough but unfortunately even as christian women we must battle our sinful desire to obscure or erase the distinction between manhood and womanhood, but is a battle that we must strive win.
4.The Consequences of Immodesty
The consequences of immodesty in society are devastating: premarital sexual relationships, lust, adultery, homosexuality just to name a few. I use to think that if men lust it is because their own sinful nature regardless of how I dress. Yes, men can struggle with sinful lusts, but that does not take away my responsibility as a christian woman to cover my nakedness or to dress in a manner that I will not be the object that carelessly feeds the lust of someone else.
When a woman dresses loosely it also shows her lack of spiritual maturity and insecurity in who she is as a woman in Christ. Many woman believe that in order to attract a husband or keep one for that matter, they need to compete with other women out there, by dressing in a sexually stimulating manner. I believe that a woman should strive to look well kept and beautiful, but there is a very clear line between beauty and sensuality. Our bodies our the temple of the Holy Spirit and the glory of our husbands, so therefore we are not at liberty to do with them as we please.
The way we dress reveals the type of women we are, and just as important, what we strive to be. If we are desperate for male attention or equality it will show by what we put on, if we want to glorify God and delight in the dignity of biblical femininity than we will dress in a manner demonstrating purity and humility. The clothes do not make us what we are, but it revels our moral standing, spiritual maturity, and who we want to be. It is an issue of the heart.
These are just a few of the important lessons I have learned on the issue of modesty. My prayer is that this generation of women will take a bold stand against a culture who seeks to exploit women through feminism and nakedness; a generation of godly women who will dress modestly as a measure of our dedication and obedience to our Lord Jesus, for our love for God's created order, and for the strength and honor we demonstrate toward our fathers and husbands.
Noah Webster defines modesty as"That lowly temper which accompanies a moderate estimate of one's own worth and importance....In females, modesty has the like character as in males; but the word is used also as synonymous with chastity, or purity of manners. In this sense, modesty results from purity of mind, or from the fear of disgrace and ignominy fortified by education and principle. Unaffected modesty is the sweetest charm of female excellence, the richest gem in the diadem of their honor".
I still remember when I first started thinking seriously about modest clothing.
As I confronted the issue of modesty a question pertinent to all women was raised. Am I dressing in a way that gives glory to God and honor to my husband or is my way of dress offensive to God and dishonoring to my husband? The more I became acquainted with biblical standards for modesty the more I realized that the later was true. I desired to glorify God in this area of my life and began to search the Scriptures to discover how I might bring this issue under the authority of Christ. Here are some things I have learned to consider with regard to how I dress:
1. God Hates Nakedness
An individual may ask why does God hate nakedness so much considering the fact that in the beginning Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed?( Genesis 2:25). The answer is that when Adam and Eve sinned against God, shame and disgrace also followed. Their bodily nakedness was a reflection of their spiritual nakedness and disgrace. They tried to cover themselves with aprons made of fig leaves which wilt away and were not permanent, but their attempt at covering their own nakedness was not good enough for God. God made coats of skins which required a sacrifice and the shedding of blood for the proper covering of their nakedness. This physical encounter with God was a reflection of the spiritual implications of sin. In the same manner fallen man attempts to cover his sins in a number of ways by either self atonement or escape from guilt, but that is not sufficient to save ourselves from hell. It is only by the the sacrifice and the shedding of blood provided by God on Calvary that the nakedness of our souls can be covered. God hates nakedness because it reflects our sinful condition. The flaunting of nakedness reflects a disregard for redemption. It is an attempt to remove the shame of nakedness without the removing the shame of sin.
In an important work"Christian Modesty and the Public Undressing of America", Jeff Pollard points out, "Though we have no 'snapshots' of Adam and Eve's apparel, the word coats is consistently used throughout the Old Testament to mean a tunic-like garment. Coats in Gen 3:21 is kuttonet from an unused root meaning to cover. The kuttonet was the ordinary garment worn by man and woman as seen in the tunics of skin worn by Adam and Eve. This shirt like garment usually had long sleeves, and extended down to the ankles when worn as a dress coat........The important thing to remember is that this was God's design for covering Adam and Eve's nakedness and shame. In other words, God did not give a fur bikini to represent our righteousness and salvation."
2. Who is Lord?
As in every area of our lives we have to asks ourselves to whom are we to render our obedience. Scripture answers, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God". We have to reject the modern evolutionary mentality that culture is evolving and that even as Christians we must evolve with it. Man is not to be defined by the culture, instead the Christan, should be defined by Christ the Lord over culture, and should be the salt and light which leads culture to glorify God.
In his Sketches of Jewish Social Life, Alfred Edershheim states:" If a faithful picture of society in ancient Greece or Rome were to be presented to view, it is not easy to believe that even they who now most appose the Bible could wish their aims success. For this, at any rate, may be asserted, without fear of gainsaying, that no other religion than that of the Bible as proved competent to control an advanced, or even an advancing, state of civilization....Two things are here undeniable. In the case of heathenism every advance in civilization has marked a progressive lowering of public morality, the earlier stages of national life always showing a far higher tone than the later. On the contrary, the religion of the Bible has increasingly raised, if not uniformly the public morals, yet always the tone and standard of public morality."
3. The Display of Femininity:
Perhaps, no other passage better reveals that God intended men and woman to be distinct from one another in the apparel they wear and the manner in which they conduct themselves than Deut. 22:5: "The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God". Of course, the intent of the verse extends beyond the way we are to dress, but also reflects deeper that clothing is to be functional and reflect the different roles given to men and women by God. When a woman dresses like a man it reflects one of the modern lies of feminism and her disdain for the distinction God has placed between her and man. A woman who wears masculine clothing reveals a disregard for biblical femininity and a desire to become the male equivalent. This is one of the major failures of modern feminism, that in an attempt to elevate women, it only accomplishes the destruction of womanhood. Equality with man for the feminist means erasing any distinctions in role and function.Consequently, true womanhood is abolished for what she perceives to be a higher calling and a superiority that all women should strive to achieve. The chief end for a woman is not to be like a man, but rather to distinguish herself in the manner God has intended. I do not want to fill a mans role, but rather to glorify God in the role in which He has placed me. A woman is not called to advance some feminist kingdom, but she is called to advance the Kingdom of God as a help meet to her husband or father. Therefore, when a woman strives toward biblical femininity and modesty in the way she dresses, she does so as an act of embracing what God made her: a woman, taken from man, to aide him in the dominion mandate. It may sound simple enough but unfortunately even as christian women we must battle our sinful desire to obscure or erase the distinction between manhood and womanhood, but is a battle that we must strive win.
4.The Consequences of Immodesty
The consequences of immodesty in society are devastating: premarital sexual relationships, lust, adultery, homosexuality just to name a few. I use to think that if men lust it is because their own sinful nature regardless of how I dress. Yes, men can struggle with sinful lusts, but that does not take away my responsibility as a christian woman to cover my nakedness or to dress in a manner that I will not be the object that carelessly feeds the lust of someone else.
"Love worketh no ill to his neighbor:therefore love is the fulfilling of the Law"(Romans 13:10)
When a woman dresses loosely it also shows her lack of spiritual maturity and insecurity in who she is as a woman in Christ. Many woman believe that in order to attract a husband or keep one for that matter, they need to compete with other women out there, by dressing in a sexually stimulating manner. I believe that a woman should strive to look well kept and beautiful, but there is a very clear line between beauty and sensuality. Our bodies our the temple of the Holy Spirit and the glory of our husbands, so therefore we are not at liberty to do with them as we please.
The way we dress reveals the type of women we are, and just as important, what we strive to be. If we are desperate for male attention or equality it will show by what we put on, if we want to glorify God and delight in the dignity of biblical femininity than we will dress in a manner demonstrating purity and humility. The clothes do not make us what we are, but it revels our moral standing, spiritual maturity, and who we want to be. It is an issue of the heart.
These are just a few of the important lessons I have learned on the issue of modesty. My prayer is that this generation of women will take a bold stand against a culture who seeks to exploit women through feminism and nakedness; a generation of godly women who will dress modestly as a measure of our dedication and obedience to our Lord Jesus, for our love for God's created order, and for the strength and honor we demonstrate toward our fathers and husbands.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Let us know your thoughts on this and leave a comment below.
Have a question you'd like answered by one of the Well Writers? Just email us!
Let us know your thoughts on this and leave a comment below.
Have a question you'd like answered by one of the Well Writers? Just email us!
in my own opinion, dressing modestly speaks of wearing something which is proper. It's good to wear nice clothes, to make ourselves beautiful but let us always make sure that it is fitting for us and for the occasion. God has not set any standard in clothes or in dressing up ourselves but let us also check whether we glorify God in the way we dress.
I love this post!
Bogie' Wonderland
A Taste of My Life
I love what Beth Moore always says, "We can be cute and modest. Let us be darling women of God." There are ways you can still dress stylish and not reveal all, but it takes some searching and I think you need to know your body shape and type to know what best looks right on you. I am very petite so some of the things that might look good on others does not look good on me. I strive to represent God in an appropriate way and the best I can. I think Beth M. is a great example! She always looks so cute, but never unappropriate. With being small I find that a lot of times shirts are too low cut, especially v-necks, so I have a lot of camis that I wear under them to make the necklines higher. I personally like Ann Taylor, J Jill, Talbots, Eddie Bauer, and Banana Republic. I seem to be able to find things that are really cute and not too revealing like so many of today's clothes seem to be. I love clothes and I love shoes and girly things. I think we just need to pray and strive to represent God well.
Daily Living for Him,
Brandee
Yet another post that I really needed to read. I've been really struggling with the whole "What exactly is modest apparel?" question. This post really shed some light on the subject for me.
I really loved this post. It is something that so many of today's women are struggling with.
Blessings~
Laura
I feel that modesty and being feminine are so important. I just did a 7 days in dress challenge and it changed my life. It inspired me to start a Feminine Friday meme to show that women today still value modesty. I think seeing everyday women weekly pics will encourage others who think it can't be done. The holy spirit is really completing a work in me regarding this. I'm so on fire with this in my spirit, thanks so much for sheding light on the subject.
Wonderful writings! It is very difficult to consider my husbands wishes in this area, because he would choose I dress less conservatively than I normally prefer.Reading this is a reminder to me to really strive to please God and my husband.
Great post! I struggled with this in the past with what to wear. For me I believe that skirts and dresses are the way that God intended but not showing parts that don't need to be seen like low cut or too high or cleaving to my body. My skirts are below my knee. My tops are not showing cleavage as try to have them on my clavicle or above.
Thanks so much for this response. I really enjoyed reading it. This is an area where I've struggled greatly over the years....not necassarily because of my own convictions but because of how I was treated/questioned over them...and the fact that I'm different in this than anyone I know where I live. It was encouraging to see other ladies opinions and thoughts on the matter and will hopefully help me have a more ready answer if questioned in the future! Thanks again!
I don't want to wear anything that causes a man to think sexual thoughts. I believe I can dress feminine for my husband without causing another man to sin. thanks for posting this.
I've been pondering this very subject for some time now. Thank you for all the insights as always!