Cold.

It is an enemy. We tense up when we step from the warmth of the house to check the mail in the middle of winter. We pull our arms close to our bodies to keep the warmth in. We protect ourselves from the effects of the sharpness with coats and gloves and hats.

Warmth.

It is our friend. We see the red glow of the fire and the softness of the easy chair pulled alongside, and we slink down and release all of our tensions; we relax and breathe easily.

Motherhood can be many things, but it should never be like the cold of the outside air in winter.

I was perusing a magazine at a recent OB doctor's visit when I just about fell off my chair. A book was being recommended with a title that included a bit of cussing, in fact the pages of this book were filled with curse words. No, it wasn't a trucker's guide to eating on the road, it was supposedly a guide to eating "properly" while pregnant! The focus of the book had to do with staying skinny and eating vegan and organic foods--not with loving one's unborn child or enjoying the whole experience. It was a cold book written by women with cold hearts.

But what did I expect? Young women are having babies amid a culture that has murdered maternity and everything that pertains to it. To have a heart that is warm and welcoming is thought to be a sign of weakness and mental illness.

Many of us grew up without mothering. We ate our bowl of cereal in the morning, gathered up our homework, and caught the bus to school, where we were just a number or a grade. Then we returned home and took out our key and opened up an empty house. When Mother finally arrived home from work, she was tired, and there was supper and laundry and all of the tiny details of running a house. No time for a nice long talk about the bully at school. No time for a story, and often not even a hug or word of affirmation. A few TV shows later, and we were off to brush teeth and crawl into bed in anticipation of another day. And so most of us have come to believe that this is what mothering entails: taking care of the physical needs of a child, but with little left over for the emotional and spiritual care every human being requires.

In fact, children in this age have been reduced to the status of the family dog. If they are fed well, groomed and given nice little places to sleep and play, parents are considered successful. Just like the faithful family pet, children are allowed inside the lives of their parents periodically, but only on special occasions and with great effort. Then they are shut out again into the cold and expected to deal with loneliness in any way they know how.

It is a madness that has convinced us the emotional and spiritual needs of children are superfluous. It is a societal sickness keeping us running to counselors or trying to distract ourselves with shopping, partying, gambling, etc., to keep from feeling the emptiness of lives without relationships.

That is why I run headlong into the arms of Jesus. That is why I am so thankful for having a Heavenly Father. He is never too busy, He is always ready to listen. He is just, and truthful, but merciful and loving. He welcomes me and shelters me and gives me rest. I can lean on Him, I can be refreshed by Him, and I can feel relaxed in His presence because of the price He paid for my redemption--He sacrificed Himself for me.

And this is a picture of true motherhood--the type that always points to Jesus.

Jesus says:

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

Mothers are supposed to lighten burdens, not increase them. My children do not "owe" me--just by their existence I have been paid in full. Therefore I do not use guilt to make sure they take care of me or consider me. When they have a sin problem, I do not over-react and add to their guilt, but I explain God's way of redemption and pray with them--then I forgive and forget--not remembering their failings so that I may resurrect them later. I create an atmosphere of safety so that they can feel free to share their hearts.

God reveals this about Himself:

He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.

Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;

Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.

Psalm 91:4-6

As a mother, I protect and shelter. I comfort and reassure. I do not foist my children into the blackness of the world so they can get "tough"; I become tough for them, but always tender towards them.

Jesus says:

In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.

And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. John 14:2-3

As a mother I welcome my children into my life--I let them know that I like them, that I want to spend time with them, that I miss them when I am away--even while we are separated by sleep. They are always welcome on my lap, and are a priority far above my own needs or desires.They know that I not only tolerate them, but I delight in them. I include them in my daily life and consider them an integral and indispensable part of our family. In this way they become confident that they are loved, and their security translates into the other parts of their lives as they grow and mature.

Our God is vigilant, as this scripture tells us:

Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.

The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.

The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.

The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore. Psalm 121:4-8

As mother I keep constant vigil--and although I do not have the stamina to stay awake, even my sleep is light as I listen in my dreams for the call of my children. I am aware of environment and attitudes, ready to pounce on behaviors that will reap destruction in my children's lives.

And here is an incomplete list of the practical application of these principles:

• Smile at your child when he wakes up in the morning, welcome him into the new day.
• Avoid "gripe groups" of other mothers who sit around and complain and run their children down.
  
• Exclaim in a cheerful tone, "Hey--did you know that I like you a lot?"--often.
  
• Tell the child stories of his birth/adoption and how you fell in love with him.
• Allow your child to interrupt you when you are sewing or online or cooking, without conveying frustration.
• Look into his eyes when he is talking to you.
  
• Sit on the floor and play with him.
• When you take him to the park, go on the slide and the swings with him.
  
• Love his father--the man that he came from, even if that father is no longer part of your lives.
• Let your arms and your heart always be open to him.
• Don't postpone discipline--be consistent.
  
• Be willing to be passionately involved--correcting him and reasoning with him.
  
• Beware of using distractions such as media, etc. that are attempts to replace his need for your attention.
  

Of course, none of us can be "motherly" without a heart-transplant. This world is too much with us; it is part of our flesh that will not be totally conquered until we are translated into the next life. At times, we are buffeted by the complexities of life on earth, and we are tempted to lash out our frustrations on the most vulnerable ones in our lives.

We need a transformation; we need the power of the Holy Spirit to be released in us. It starts with repentance and forgiveness, then continues through prayer and the study of God's Word. If you are struggling--confess it to Him and ask for help. Include Him in your questions and challenges--ask for His help to develop new heart-habits that will reap a harvest in this world and the world to come.

Here are some questions to help:

• Are there areas of hardnes and coldness in my life? What are the roots of these? Do I need to release someone who has hurt me in my past? Do I need to confess and release myself from the bondage of sinful patterns in my own life?
  
• What are some ways that I can turn the conversation around when other women begin to gripe and complain about their children?
• Name some creative ways we can create warmer, more inviting environments for our children.
  

I love mothering and consider it my vocation on this earth--even though I often fall short. But God is so faithful to forgive and restore as He blesses me to be His partner in bringing up children for His glory.


Sherry

For more thoughts and encouragement, you can visit my blog, Large Family Mothering